tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62083667707926801062024-02-06T20:47:35.511-08:00Am I the Only OneThe random and wandering musings of this widowed mother of four precious souls...SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-10702428364305638872020-10-29T00:45:00.005-07:002020-10-29T13:40:25.998-07:00...to whom words matter?<p> Words. </p><p>Some are short. <br /></p><p>Some are long. </p><p>We string them together carelessly, <br /><span> </span><span> </span>creating sentences, stories, and statements that roll off our tongues with slippery ease. </p><p>We rarely look back to see where they go...where they land.</p><p>This evening, the water was hot as I washed up the last of the supper dishes. As I turned a favorite cup around and around underneath the steaming liquid, it happened again. The flashback. </p><p>I can't tell you exactly why, but almost every time I wash dishes by hand and feel the hot water running over my hands, a comment from my distant past marches its way boldly across the stage of my memories. </p><p>I once again feel stupid, chastised, put in my place, and humiliated. And I shrink a little. <br /></p><p>What was the comment and who made it? Does it matter? No. <br />Because I'm sure no ill will or harm was meant. <br /></p><p>But tell that to my brain. My subconscious self. <br />I am unable to rid myself of this memory. <br /><br />The words spoken that long ago day were true ones...but the way in which they were spoken, the way they fell upon my ears seared them forever, it seems, on my emotions. <br /><br />Just like the time I was falsely accused of lying by someone for whom I felt deep respect. <br />Just like the time I was mocked at someone else's house for my way of loading the dishwasher. <br />Just like the time I was told my crush thought my nose looked too long when I wore contacts.<br /></p><p>And so on and so forth. </p><p>Maybe there were elements of truth in some of the comments. Maybe there weren't. That isn't my point. <br />Maybe the statements were a big deal. Maybe they weren't. That isn't my point. <br /><br />My point is this. The words stuck. Like, they REALLY stuck. </p><p>I have not been TRYING to hold onto these things nor do I constantly bring them up. <br />I long ago wrapped my mind around the circumstances surrounding these events and understood that none of the perpetrators of such verbal pokes and prods in my direction were intending me everlasting harm. <br />I forgave to the best of my ability. I don't carry grudges toward the individuals involved. <br /><br />I just can't get away from the words themselves and the emotions tied to them. <br />They still come up to punch me in the face every once in a while. <br /><br />Why? I don't know.<br /><br />Words. <br /></p><p>Some are short. <br /></p><p>Some are long. </p><p>We string them together carelessly, <br /><span> </span><span> </span>creating sentences, stories, and statements that roll off our tongues with slippery ease. </p><p>We rarely look back to see where they go...where they land.</p><p>But maybe we should. <br />Maybe we SHOULD take a closer look at our words. <br />Maybe we SHOULD watch where they go, where they land. <br /></p><p>Because our spoken words STICK. </p><p>Our kids, spouses, family members, neighbors, and friends...they have feelings, too. <br />And they can be just as easily impacted by our words as we are by theirs. </p><p>I also remember some good words. <br />Words of encouragement spoken in my darkest hours. <br />Words of healing when in the middle of my deepest pain. <br />Words of praise when I felt completely worthless.<br />Words of comfort when I ached with grief.<br /><br />Those words also stick. <br />They come back around to bless me time and time again.<br />They impacted my life for good...pointed me toward truth...enveloped me in love...<br /><span> </span>reminded me of my value to God...pulled me toward the light...made a<i> difference</i>.<br /></p><p>In this time of divisiveness and disunity in our country, our words matter. <br />After the election is over, the impact of words spoken today will still be felt. <br />After the virus has disappeared from center stage and been relegated to the history books, <br /><span> </span><span> </span>the impact of opinions spoken today will still be felt. <br /><br />Relationships matter. <br />They matter more than opinion or position. <br />They matter more than preference or politics.</p><p>Truth matters. Yes, it does. <br />But the truth is that...relationships matter. </p><p>And our words deeply affect our relationships. </p><p>I can't afford to forget. <br />I have to remember! I don't want to wound my children.<br />I have to remember! I don't want to build walls with extended family members.<br />I have to remember! I don't want to push away my friends and neighbors.<br /><br />God says:<br /><span class="text Prov-11-9" id="en-NLT-16674">"With their words, the godless destroy their friends,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-11-9">but knowledge will rescue the righteous."<br /><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>~ Proverbs 11:9 (NLT)<br /><br /></span></span><span class="text Prov-11-12" id="en-NLT-16677">"It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-11-12">a sensible person keeps quiet."<br /><span> <span> </span><span> </span>~ Proverbs 11:12 (NLT)</span></span></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-11-12"><span>"</span></span></span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-11-12"><span><span class="text Prov-15-4" id="en-NLT-16788">Gentle words are a tree of life;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-15-4">a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit."<br /><span> </span><span><span> </span><span> </span>~ Proverbs 15:4 (NLT)</span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-11-12"><span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-15-4"><span><span class="text Prov-16-24" id="en-NLT-16841">"Kind words are like honey—</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-16-24">sweet to the soul and healthy for the body."</span></span> </span><span></span> <br /><span> <span> </span><span> </span>~ Proverbs 16:24 (NLT)</span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-11-12"><span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-15-4"><span><span class="text Prov-18-4" id="en-NLT-16882">"Wise words are like deep waters;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-18-4">wisdom flows from the wise like a bubbling brook."</span></span> <br /><span> <span> </span><span> </span>~ Proverbs 18:4 (NLT)</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-11-12"><span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-15-4"><span><span><span class="woj">"But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, <br /><span> </span>they will give account of it in the day of judgment.</span>"<br /><span> <span> </span><span> </span>~ Matthew 12:36 (NKJV)<br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-11-12"><span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-15-4"><span><span><span>I want my words to be a gentle balm to hurting souls, <br /><span> </span><span> </span>bubbling waters of encouragement to struggling hearts, <br /><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>and the sweet honey of blessing to all I meet. <br /><br />I cannot do this on my own. <br />This takes keeping one ear attuned to the Holy Spirit while the other truly listens for what is needed...<br /></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span></span><span class="indent-1"></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-11-9"></span></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-11-9"></span></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-11-9"></span></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-11-9"></span></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-11-9">___________________________<br /> </span></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-11-9">This post is for me as much as (actually, MORE than) anyone else. I'm not pointing fingers. <br />I'm encouraging all who read this to join with me in making sure our words are pleasing to God. <br />They need to be if we ever want to hear those blessed words, <br /><span> </span>"Well done, thou good and faithful servant...enter thou into the joy of thy Lord!"<br /> </span></span></p><p><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-11-9"><span style="font-size: large;">Praying the Lord helps me watch my words carefully,</span><br /></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1xbvD9z29sCRjwldMU4k0x5_c2zNg5g4aCK0P5LjlvYKr0-jeGZUVKscSzfCgfYbHvWJXWxXB6Ed1FmwZWKJcLp604X94OUZB0SnfUTdksdBv4un7yfQrh2KvmkwjtoRwDQCK-mc4xD8/s462/Signature.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="169" data-original-width="462" height="73" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1xbvD9z29sCRjwldMU4k0x5_c2zNg5g4aCK0P5LjlvYKr0-jeGZUVKscSzfCgfYbHvWJXWxXB6Ed1FmwZWKJcLp604X94OUZB0SnfUTdksdBv4un7yfQrh2KvmkwjtoRwDQCK-mc4xD8/w200-h73/Signature.png" width="200" /></a></div><p></p><p><br />*Note: I am not endeavoring to address the extremely serious circumstance of true verbal abuse with this post. I am not qualified in any way to do so. <br /><br />This is directed toward those every-day, off-hand comments that we so easily make while forgetting that words have much more power in the life of another than we typically realize. <br /><br /><br /></p><br />SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-17508777690943784062019-12-16T11:24:00.001-08:002019-12-16T11:24:38.484-08:00Do you feel safe today?
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Do you feel safe today?</div>
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<br /></div>
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Do your kids feel safe? </div>
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Do they feel safe to let down their
guard with you as a parent – to share their vulnerability with you? To be
honest about their emotions? </div>
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<br /></div>
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I know that many of my parenting decisions and reactions across
the years have come from a place of needing to meet some need <b><i>I</i></b>
have rather than from truly seeing the need my child’s heart is expressing. Yes…sigh…it
has happened to me many times – even when I would try my best to convince you that it
didn’t.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Over the past couple of years, I’ve been learning a lot
about separating my emotional journey from my actions and reactions to
circumstances around me. The more I have analyzed myself in this light, the
more I feel as though I've never grown up. I've failed this thing miserably. Just how many times HAVE I reacted or parented unwisely
because my focus was on the wrong thing? On proving something to someone?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On simply trying to survive rather than seeing
that my child is ALSO searching for someone to understand – to aid in <i>their</i>
survival? </div>
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<br /></div>
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It’s easy to drown in the grief of mistakes made, of wrong
actions taken, of regrets. </div>
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But I can NOT stay in that place or I will only succeed in
making <i>more</i> of those mistakes, causing <i>more</i> regret, creating <i>more</i>
challenges for my children. </div>
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<br /></div>
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So, I’m looking for ways to help me remember to depend more
heavily on what GOD says for me when I hit those challenging moments. I am
trying to retrain my brain – to take a different look at what is before me – to
stand in a different place and react from there rather than the familiar
territory that leads only to strife and frustration and disappointment and
regret. </div>
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<br /></div>
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One of the lessons I am learning is that when I focus more
on who I am in God, I am free to parent or react to situations from that place.</div>
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This means calmness of mind and heart vs. agitation. </div>
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This means an ability to focus on the need of the hearts and
minds of others vs. on my own.</div>
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This means an opportunity to extend God’s love and acceptance
to that child/person vs. judgment. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Today in my personal devotions, I read some Scriptures and
statements that blessed and encouraged me. Maybe they will bless your soul as
well!</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Psalm 139 – a passage well worth reading. It's
a clear reminder that God KNOWS me. I mean, He DESIGNED me – personality, abilities,
looks, and likes. He also knows my every thought and emotion, weakness and failure.
In spite of that, He loves me. He loves me enough to DIE for me! <br />
<br />
Guys!!! None of my weak spots or goof-ups have frightened Him away!!! He STILL
pours out blessing after blessing on my life…He STILL provides for my every
emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual need. </div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Matthew 10:30 – you know this one. It’s the one
where we learn that Jesus knows how many individual hairs my head sports. And He
loves me enough to care about that fact.</div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Acts 15:8 – It brings comfort to me that God
knows my heart. This means that even when my well-intentioned words or actions don’t
flow quite right, He understands and doesn’t condemn. When others misunderstand,
Jesus “gets me.” All of me. </div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>John 6:37 – Jesus promises never to reject <i>anyone</i>
who comes to Him. That includes me. Let that sink in…He doesn’t base His acceptance
or rejection of us on our smarts or lack thereof! </div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Romans 15:7 – Because Christ has accepted me, I
can reach out and do the same for others. And their reaction to my efforts doesn’t
affect my status with Christ. </div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Colossians 1:21-22 – Christ went to extreme
lengths to bring me to Himself – to provide a way for me to enter into God’s
presence blameless and holy. And He did this “while we were yet sinners.” Wow. </div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Jeremiah 31:3 – God loves me…ME!!!...with an
everlasting love! And He draws us to Himself with lovingkindness. <br />
If that isn’t an amazing Christmas gift, I don’t know what is!! </div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Lamentations 3:22-23 – God is compassionate
beyond our comprehension, merciful beyond our understanding, and faithful beyond
our expectation.</div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Ephesians 3:17-19 – What a way to top off the
list! Christ wants to dwell in our hearts and show us what it means to be rooted
and grounded in the love He has for us. This love that we are unable to fully grasp
enables us to not only be filled with the presence of God, but to be filled with
ALL the FULLNESS of God! </div>
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I reiterate my earlier statement –
what an amazing gift this is! <br />
Confidence in this kind of love can withstand any attack the enemy hurls our
direction, our children’s direction. If we can feel safe in these truths, then
we can be a safe place where others feel free to be honest and real and vulnerable. </div>
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</span><h2 class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">This is one gift I plan to re-gift... </span></span></h2>
<h2 class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">time and time and time and time again!</span></span></h2>
<h2 class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i>Merry Christmas, friends! </i> </span></span></h2>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipYAOTlhKAqX0AuYi4PG4gM-uqb7h-2t4hwkhHOtpQv3NnKOP92qtLM3l1DkFVWrzQhFKXj5Et5z7kvVRqk58KwJokjYwxGgtkOENSzhejPsZCBNqjVRluS8nJvhS9DO18hjYZdp2e3qE/s1600/Signature.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="169" data-original-width="462" height="117" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipYAOTlhKAqX0AuYi4PG4gM-uqb7h-2t4hwkhHOtpQv3NnKOP92qtLM3l1DkFVWrzQhFKXj5Et5z7kvVRqk58KwJokjYwxGgtkOENSzhejPsZCBNqjVRluS8nJvhS9DO18hjYZdp2e3qE/s320/Signature.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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* The above list of Scriptures and a
couple of the main focus thoughts are taken from the Bible study entitled <i>Mom
Set Free</i> by Jeannie Cunnion, published by LifeWay Press.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></div>
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</style>SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-18507990846558506472019-07-16T23:30:00.001-07:002020-08-23T19:54:44.683-07:00In acknowledgement of a special day...<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So, my oldest daughter got married last Friday.</span><br />
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; font-size: 18pt;">July 12, 2019</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That date will forever stand out in her heart and mind as one of the best days of her life.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was a special day!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was a Christ-centered day!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was a joy-filled day!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was a love-centered day!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was a memory-making day!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was a dream-fulfilling day!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was the day she was privileged to marry her very best friend…</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; font-size: 18pt;">July 16, 1994</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I got married that day.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That date will forever stand out in my heart and mind as one of the best days of my life.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was a special day!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was a Christ-centered day!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was a joy-filled day!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was a love-centered day!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was a memory-making day!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was a dream-fulfilling day!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was the day I was privileged to marry my very best friend…</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3dKaRr4sDdzHBQIqu15cFK9mDIl-9Q-JhFzvqtWtufU_ap4ln8IlCf_v7Jg6wyPiLZJ1NUAX3UNwkPqglOUMixi2ylGjV8EGRdF-WJOKa7GbKCU_OMOY50TotcBdAlj9gOo0UKES9anw/s1600/Blog+10.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1185" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3dKaRr4sDdzHBQIqu15cFK9mDIl-9Q-JhFzvqtWtufU_ap4ln8IlCf_v7Jg6wyPiLZJ1NUAX3UNwkPqglOUMixi2ylGjV8EGRdF-WJOKa7GbKCU_OMOY50TotcBdAlj9gOo0UKES9anw/s400/Blog+10.jpg" width="295" /></a></div>
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<span face="" style="color: blue; font-family: "times new roman", serif; text-decoration: none;"><span style="mso-ignore: vglayout;"><br /></span></span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Today was supposed to be my 25<sup>th</sup> anniversary.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If you are reading this, you most likely know that it’s NOT my 25<sup>th</sup> anniversary because 5.5 years ago today, my husband went to spend eternity with Jesus.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So…how does one celebrate an anniversary that was to be, isn’t, but still feels like it should be?</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I don’t really know. I’m traveling this pathway as a novice. I’m learning as I go.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m sure I don’t do it the way anyone else would,</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">but our relationship wasn’t anyone else’s, and</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m not anyone else…I’m me.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And I miss Michael.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As you may notice by the date of my last post, I don’t write much here anymore.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I believe that is mostly because I am in a different stage now and not as much in need of the therapy this space has provided. Over the past year, God has granted me many more good days than emotionally hard ones, and for that, I am extremely grateful. He has walked through this whole dark valley right with me, never for one moment leaving me on my own to cope or find my way. And now, the path is brighter, the traveling easier, the memories sweeter.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But big days like this one feel like they should be acknowledged somehow.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So, I gave myself permission to do so - at least for a little while. </span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">First of all, I would like to say a big </span><i><span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; font-size: 18pt;">thank you</span></i><span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">to each and every one of you who has taken the time or made an effort to let me know you are thinking about me, praying for me, care about me regarding this day. And thank you for understanding my need to maybe be alone for a portion of the day. I greatly appreciate each connection made, whether through text or phone call or other means.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Many prayed, some texted, some left FB notes, some told me you were thinking about me, and some offered your time. One friend bought me some peach Coca-colas and helped walk me through wedding recovery/dread of today. Every gesture was and is deeply meaningful and appreciated.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Lunch happened today with a dear friend at a restaurant that was special to Michael & me.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Real life happened today with more wedding stuff being hauled home and unloaded.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Memories happened today with the sorting of items from my wedding, looking at old photos, and even taking pictures of some memorabilia…</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Painting happened today while sitting out at the cemetery and watching the sunset.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrMaTLyEOUD7Q97gT8194AwzsJaEzSo5zRY2mOCR3ufY2kAYAfC90vdr18L_aBjJOEzgFcknaABUP2jzAucUC0xZm6roTPZDFICQ5f3vZwpS6i79se7mo5VeYD3OH9fy8Z38zB3NZ7fEw/s1600/Blog+2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrMaTLyEOUD7Q97gT8194AwzsJaEzSo5zRY2mOCR3ufY2kAYAfC90vdr18L_aBjJOEzgFcknaABUP2jzAucUC0xZm6roTPZDFICQ5f3vZwpS6i79se7mo5VeYD3OH9fy8Z38zB3NZ7fEw/s320/Blog+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgosb1m5CzeRbr_8BjlCL12orBPvh9b0KuOvTz_lqqEAv8Arka2xOm9UneAGeX6viBfp8oOrZYEIJ2VKOrAGlkJPxT4Iz936xVYpX4OyPLex23jacX_vIFGmmZ3poy9NUHHdyQIZgPlh0k/s1600/Blog+2.jpg"><span face="" style="color: blue; font-family: "times new roman", serif; text-decoration: none;"><span style="mso-ignore: vglayout;"></span></span></a><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Writing happened today…and resulted in this post.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tears also happened today.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Not as many as on the date of my 20<sup>th</sup> anniversary. That one came just six months after Michael’s passing.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But the tears still come sometimes when I think about it all.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tears still come easily when thinking about what last Friday’s wedding should have included:</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Michael walking our daughter down the aisle,</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Michael's face beaming proudly in each photo taken,</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Michael's cheerful greeting of each and every guest at every table at the reception,</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Michael's enthusiastic bragging about how wonderful his kids all are,</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> his gracious acceptance of Austin into this family,</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> and his precious hugs for me as he calms my anxiety over the details and</span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>tells me how proud he is of how the whole event turned out.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Gentle tears flowed with this morning’s first light.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Hard, ugly sobs hit as I sat in the cemetery under the watchful eye of the Full Buck Moon.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkePzPl8j7uNOiyI07saI4H1sI3kPMlAi0Hg_vNIannKi0GdXcm9qSaqRygi7uo1JouzLHb8flwnmYpkdJxvuf0PgM7bNyAfjCpcSS6cfxNWtlKZ0P-N61BIIPne5eb0x3Btv6d4bOI-w/s1600/Blog+1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="993" data-original-width="1572" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkePzPl8j7uNOiyI07saI4H1sI3kPMlAi0Hg_vNIannKi0GdXcm9qSaqRygi7uo1JouzLHb8flwnmYpkdJxvuf0PgM7bNyAfjCpcSS6cfxNWtlKZ0P-N61BIIPne5eb0x3Btv6d4bOI-w/s320/Blog+1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7OpX9Q1aaPrEo0qvtYNcVg-RCutNCpd1rVNKEpvV3MjYldv9q8sZTwsswaB6ZKVQdTLM4vP0PQbISrX4Y3xm7VXrU1ay2gI2NYZBVnvdE1SDT_-hEVpW-zwLFITP64msNP8r0FpPDLRI/s1600/Blog+1.jpg"><span face="" style="color: blue; font-family: "times new roman", serif; text-decoration: none;"><span style="mso-ignore: vglayout;"></span></span></a><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Those ragged sobs don’t come around very often anymore. I’m grateful. They aren’t pretty.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But it’s all part of this day’s roller coaster.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Thoughts flowed from gratefulness for what we shared to </span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> a pity party for what I no longer have, </span><br />
<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> and then back to sharing my crazy with Jesus.</span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Thoughts bounced from present tasks to past events, and my emotions got all mixed up.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But one thought has been forefront today.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I don’t know HOW to rightfully acknowledge this day.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Maybe what I’ve done is okay, or maybe it’s just weird.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Maybe it’s no one’s business what I do, or maybe sharing would be helpful to someone else.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Maybe I just need a hug!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For those of you who have cared enough to read this far into this post, here are some bits of trivia for you.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At my wedding, my brother was ten years old.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At my daughter’s wedding, her brother was ten years old.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I wore a silver dress for Luanna’s wedding…</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">a 25<sup>th</sup> wedding anniversary is known as a silver anniversary.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The song my daughter allowed me to sing in the prelude to her wedding was one Michael and I sang to each other at our wedding. Some of the same songs were played for both weddings, even though that part wasn’t particularly planned.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEiCJaTnPf5d5HPG3LfxL9GzyTizDIiNcoHMZG323zladh_FMOJAa62CkndKZNHAXkr-ij_ZLOms-LTl4-VceXifYZJjGk_WCpz28thOo5hmpKmwAWFv8cx_iJY_yt44T5tD_ANXovKvY/s1600/Blog+14.jpg"><span face="" style="color: blue; font-family: "times new roman", serif; text-decoration: none;"><span style="mso-ignore: vglayout;"></span></span></a><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The goblets my daughter and her groom chose to use were the ones my husband and I drank from on our special day.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Both weddings had the same pianist. </span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And coordinator. And florist. And seamstress for the bridesmaid dresses!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The flower girls for my wedding were a tremendous help with my daughter’s wedding!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Actually, several people who helped with my wedding also helped with my daughter's.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And some friends who attended my wedding were able to attend my daughter’s.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Family members galore were part of both special days, although some were missing from my daughter’s event because they are enjoying the blessings of heaven…</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> just as Michael is.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My family and I felt incredibly blessed and loved both then and now.</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Does anyone know what this is? :-) </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"> </span><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><br />
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</span><span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; font-size: medium; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Thanks
for indulging me on my trip down memory lane. I thought it might be fun
to include a few photos from that special day twenty-five long years
ago. </span></span></h3></div><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span><div style="text-align: left;"><h3><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">
</span><span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-weight: normal;">So much has changed, and yet...so much has stayed the same. </span></span></span></h3></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One thing that solidly remains the same is God's faithfulness. And for that, I am, and always will be, truly grateful!</span><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Thank you for taking this journey with me. Only God knows what is around the next bend and where the road will take us. And <b>I</b> know I can fully trust Him. </span></div>
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<b><span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">S<i>o, here's to the next twenty-five years and everything THEY hold! </i></span></b><b><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"></span></b></div>
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<b><i><span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">May God go with you and keep you...and me. </span></i></b><b><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; font-size: 18pt;"></span></b></div>
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<b><i><span face="" style="font-family: "arial", sans-serif; font-size: 18pt;">Trusting in HIS faithfulness, </span></i></b><b><span face="" style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"></span></b></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s Christmas time again. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All my children are home. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The tree has been up since Thanksgiving weekend.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I even put lights up outside. </div>
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It all looks so cheerful and bright!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The church Christmas program was last weekend. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The presents are purchased and wrapped…well, almost, anyway!</div>
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Gifts have been passed out to the neighbors. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I made peanut butter fudge. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It turned out just as I imagined it would…soft, creamy, smooth,
and amazingly delicious.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And when it did, I promptly cried like a baby…again. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was a first for me—making a batch alone,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
using Michael’s equipment and the
recipe/method his Aunt Charlotte had perfected. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I felt as though I was honoring their memory with the task. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I needed the batch to be perfect. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next one might not be—and that’s okay—but I needed this
one, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
this first attempt on my own, to be
perfect. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because I miss him. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I miss him. So much.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I miss him when we light a yummy holiday candle.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I miss him when I see all the décor emphasizing the joy of
the season.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I miss him when planning family get-togethers. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I miss him when the kids participate in the Christmas
programs— </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
making me so proud to be their mother,
impressing me with their growth. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I miss him when I hear his favorite music,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
when we attend the events that have
become traditions for our family.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I miss him as my eldest daughter excitedly shares wedding
plans.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Who will stand in for her father as she walks down the aisle?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How can we do these things with him not seeing, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> being a part of it all? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The same way we have made it this far, I suppose. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One step at a time. One moment at a time. One dispensation
of grace at a time. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You see, even though tears came with the fudge making, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">most</i> days are good days. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even though an occasional day’s darkness brings difficulty
making decisions…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and more tears,<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> <br /> </i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">on </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">most</i>
days, the sun shines brightly.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stitch by stitch, my broken heart is being mended. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Step by step, God is guiding my way.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Moment by moment, I am learning to trust. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Day by day, I am finding Him faithful.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And…year by year, I am regaining my joy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My living room Christmas tree is simple. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Its branches are loaded with ornaments…and stories.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Each year, each member of the family chooses a new ornament that
represents something about themselves, their interests, their life status, or
their hope for the new year ahead.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two of my ornaments from recent years are simply a word…“Peace.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In each of those years, I was almost surprised to find I
could feel true peace in spite of the storm of circumstances around our family.
<br />
Yes, I had always heard of such peace, but I suppose I’d not had real reason to
find it working so deeply and personally before.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjuaaAett735clQwGLYWt_pgfmFtvnnBCEDvSo3AmEQmXhPOfc1reV_QJ7ZzzcU7cG-55p_lZ-Is1NsEkBLec-Di09Be1dvav62ZQnHfE3hBBy-pnCzSbX6oUfaNNKYk_dsQcXIwU9iE0/s1600/IMG_0224.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjuaaAett735clQwGLYWt_pgfmFtvnnBCEDvSo3AmEQmXhPOfc1reV_QJ7ZzzcU7cG-55p_lZ-Is1NsEkBLec-Di09Be1dvav62ZQnHfE3hBBy-pnCzSbX6oUfaNNKYk_dsQcXIwU9iE0/s200/IMG_0224.JPG" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuP7r4hCdBbSNFVzHlPcYFaasl5Wob-iS_suIv7q7e1oERdunC14Pj1HCooddQWbnBQNvkAlYoQ-4bi3mQbwQeqjzTA2egRH8aDWh1A4Qkes4K7TmdZgVVmnveAafMDcndRokr4i-Mb0c/s1600/IMG_0225.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuP7r4hCdBbSNFVzHlPcYFaasl5Wob-iS_suIv7q7e1oERdunC14Pj1HCooddQWbnBQNvkAlYoQ-4bi3mQbwQeqjzTA2egRH8aDWh1A4Qkes4K7TmdZgVVmnveAafMDcndRokr4i-Mb0c/s200/IMG_0225.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It IS real. The amazing, unexplainable peace that God gives
to His children is <i>real</i>. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But when I choose my ornament this weekend, I plan to look
for one that illustrates a different gift…the gift of joy!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><i>“The first
gift Jesus brought was joy…<br />The angel immediately proclaimed ‘good news of great
joy’—<br />and not just for His [Jesus’s] mother and father. <br />All people everywhere
would experience great joy because of His birth. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">That tells us a lot about the
kind of <br />Father God is to us. </span></b></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Yes, God cares about our righteousness, </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>but He
also desperately wants to offer us real, lasting joy—</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>the kind that can’t be jeopardized
by changes in our economic status, </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>employment, possessions, or relationships.”</i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>~ James Merritt, The 25
Days of Christmas</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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I can’t earn this kind of joy.</div>
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I can’t fabricate this kind of joy.</div>
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I can’t explain this kind of joy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I know it’s real. </div>
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It’s a beautiful gift straight from the hand of God our
Father.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just as Peace is a healing balm to a wounded, weary heart, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
so Joy is a light to a dark, depressed
soul. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It keeps burning through the mists of grief showing the way
to wholeness once again.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It keeps shining through heavy clouds of despair pointing
toward a smile and a song.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is true, it is real, it is a gift we receive so that we
may pass it along to all we meet!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is a testimony to God’s presence and power in our lives! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is a choice we make to accept it or reject it…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No matter where we are, no matter what we face, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
we can <span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">experience</span> “Joy” and share it with “the WORLD” because the “Lord
is come!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Psalm 5:11</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“But let all those that put their trust in
thee rejoice: <br />
let them ever shout for <b>joy</b>, <br />
because thou defendest them: <br />
let them also that love thy name be <b>joy</b>ful in thee.”</span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Psalm 16:11</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Thou wilt shew me the path of life: <br />
in thy presence is fulness of <b>joy</b>; <br />
at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”</span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Psalm 30:5</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“…weeping may endure for a night, <br />
but <b>joy</b> cometh in the morning.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h2 class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">Merry Christmas, my friends! </span></span></span></h2>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
May the <b><span style="color: red;">JOY</span> <span style="color: red;"></span></b>of the <b><span style="color: red;">Reason for the season</span></b> shine brightly in
your hearts today!</div>
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</style>SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-48193238161076883272018-01-16T21:22:00.002-08:002018-01-16T21:57:44.892-08:00Always, Sometimes, Never...<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Recently, my daughter, a high school senior, has been
working her way through the challenge of geometry. On some of the tests, she
has been given a section made up of several statements. Her job has been to
determine if these statements regarding rectangles, triangles, circles,
tangents, or secants are:<br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">always</i>
true, <br /><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> sometimes</i> true, or<br /> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never</i> true. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
As I have been once again processing through the events of January 2014,
<br />I have thought of several <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">always,
sometimes, </i>and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never</i> true
statements which<em> I</em> could make.</span><br />
<o:p><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
My precious husband may have crossed that proverbial line
between worlds that day, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">but much more can be expressed about this
event than just that one hard, cold fact. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My statements of truth:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It is ALWAYS true
that:<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
…there is grace enough for <em>each</em> and <em>every</em> challenge I am called to
meet.<br />
…some things just really don’t matter as much as they used to. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">…if God asks it of me, He will walk through it with me. <br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">…my kids are forgiving, patient, and resilient! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
…tragedies bring really good people to the forefront.<br />
…there are many such good people in my circles!<br />
…I highly treasure my friends!<br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">…family matters!<br />
…we are truly loved!<br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">…we are blessed beyond measure! <br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"></i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">…God
keeps His promises!</i></b><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i></b></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>It is SOMETIMES
true that:</u></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">…I have days where I feel inadequate, weak, and
under qualified for my role.<br />
…I have days where God helps me feel confident, energetic, and equipped!<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">…I look backward, remembering the sweet moments of my “past
life” as wife and care giver.<br />
…I look to the present, enjoying the gift of each and every moment
with my children!<br />
…I look to the future, praying for God’s guidance for us all…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">…I question God’s purpose for my being the one “left behind.”<br />
…I feel overwhelmed and humbled by the opportunities to which God has directed me!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">…I let people down – I don’t meet their expectations…or my
own.<br />
…I find the courage to lay aside those expectations and rest in God’s
leadership of my life.<br />
<br />
…dark and horrible days still occur. <br />
…God’s presence is a bit hard to find.<br />
…the demon of depression still haunts me.<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><em><strong><br />…the dark days enable me to speak with compassion to<br /> deep hurt in another
person’s life!</strong></em><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>It is NEVER true that:</u></b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">…there is no purpose for my existence. <br />
…my family has abandoned me.<br />
…I have lost ALL faith and hope.<br />…I am worthless and useless.<br />
…God has forsaken me.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">…I am totally alone.</i></b>
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">Praise the Lord!!!!</span></em></strong><br />
<br />
At times, the devil works to confuse me and <br />he puts these statements in the
wrong categories. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
But as I’m taking this <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Life Test</b>,
I find it imperative to keep the "facts straight!"</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This little song helps with that. <br />It is my song for 2018:</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"><em>All of my conflicts, all my thoughts, </em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"><em>Jesus is Lord of all.</em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"><em>His love wins the battles I could not have fought;</em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"><em>Jesus is Lord of all.</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"><em><br /></em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><em>
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]-->
<!--[endif]--></em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"><em>All of my longings, all my dreams,<br />Jesus is Lord of all.</em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"><em>All of my failures His power redeems.<br />Jesus is Lord of all.</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"><em><br /></em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"><em>King of kings, Lord of lords,</em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"><em>Jesus is Lord of all.</em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"><em>All my possessions and all my life,</em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"><em>Jesus is Lord of all.</em></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">William J.
Gaither and Gloria Gaither<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Resting firmly in this sweet thought tonight,</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div align="center">
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"><em><strong>Praise the Lord; praise God our savior!</strong></em></span></div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"><em><strong>For each day he carries us in his arms.</strong></em></span></div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-family: "georgia";">Psalm 68:19</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="text"></span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjejdprk7tz8mLU9d4sVyY2zdWh7lZiCsfEqdfwcvfldE11Jv323s55w_n09CJCUBYm3iqlItdNQwIk4DwUy4oi8OLvHVsrmdNOOuMFwSMozuoV1xLGXmnlewEYG3kjIE5SV0UH2JkJ_Ko/s1600/Signature.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="169" data-original-width="462" height="73" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjejdprk7tz8mLU9d4sVyY2zdWh7lZiCsfEqdfwcvfldE11Jv323s55w_n09CJCUBYm3iqlItdNQwIk4DwUy4oi8OLvHVsrmdNOOuMFwSMozuoV1xLGXmnlewEYG3kjIE5SV0UH2JkJ_Ko/s200/Signature.png" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span></div>
SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-67294169964169524782017-12-14T13:23:00.001-08:002017-12-14T18:15:53.396-08:00...who is in "review mode"?<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Today,
on December 14, 2017, I am 54 days shy of my 44<sup>th</sup> birthday.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The
exact age my Michael was when he caught his first glimpse of the face of Jesus!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Wow……………………
… .. .<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">“How
does <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> make you feel?” you may ask. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I
honestly don’t quite know. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’m
still working through that answer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">It’s
an odd sort of feeling. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Disconcerting.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Unnerving.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Unsettling.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">It
raises questions.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Probing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Piercing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Penetrating.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">What
does it mean to be this age? Who am I expected to be at this age?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Why
is it that I am still here, and yet Michael—who was such a beautiful example of
a surrendered life lived for the glory of God—is not?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Will
I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">still</i> be here next year at this
time? Five years from now? Ten? </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">There is no guarantee…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Have
I lived as full a life as Michael had by this age?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Have
I changed my world like he changed his?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>If his life’s “footprint” was a size
13, is mine even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">close</i> to being a
7.5? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Have
I accomplished all I am meant to have accomplished? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">More
importantly, if I were to die today, <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">would I leave behind a testimony that shines as
brightly as Michael’s did? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Talk
about mid-life crisis………<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">No
one who knew Michael doubts he arrived safely on those golden streets of heaven
nor that he was welcomed warmly with outstretched arms and a </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> “Well done, thou
good and faithful servant!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">No
one who knew him felt anything other than love from him. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">No
one who knew him doubted how much he loved Jesus.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Now,
I know we are not meant to compare our lives to those of other people as it can
quickly get us into trouble. We are meant only to compare ourselves to the
standard our Lord and Savior left behind as an example for us all. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">But
at times, there are individuals who cross our paths who draw us upward, <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">toward betterment, toward goodness, toward God…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And we can learn much from them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>They can mentor us, teach us, shape
us.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Michael
was one such person in my world.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">For
years, I’ve known that when I grow up, IF I ever do, </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> I want a heart like Michael’s…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>…his heart for music.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>…his heart for family.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> …his heart for service.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> …his heart for others.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> …his heart for God.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">If
you happened to be on board with the “Wright Team” from the early days of
Michael’s cancer journey, then you may have heard about his vision…he hesitated
to use that term, yet he couldn’t find a better word for it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">This
vision – it appeared to him as real as real could be as he came out of his
first surgery…the one that determined what type of cancer it was that had
slowly destroyed his right femur. He was fully awake, but still in the recovery room.
Alone. He said that he saw ever so clearly a library bookshelf on which were several
DVD cases, and a couple of them stood out to him. On the spine of the first was
written the words “Michael Wright, 1970-2010” and on the second, the words “Michael
Wright, 2010-??” caught his attention. It was obvious that the first DVD
represented life as he had experienced it until that point, yet now that season
had ended and a brand new one was beginning. And this brand new one was full of
unknowns, including just how long it would last. In his vision, Michael saw
himself pulling that second DVD case off the shelf and turning it over. He
reported later that on the back of that case in bold print were these words:</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b>"Produced by: GOD" </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">And
with that, Michael could accept that his life had turned a distinctive corner,
yes, but that this and everything yet to come lay firmly in God’s capable
hands. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">He
rested in that assurance time and time again.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">We
now know the end date of that second season of Michael’s life. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">We
now know all what the “dash” represents. (2010-??)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">And
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> still kind of amazes some of us…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">You
know, if Michael could speak to us today, </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’m confident he would say things like
this:</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Jesus led me
all the way<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Led me step by
step each day.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I will tell
the saints and angels<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">As I lay my
burdens down<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Jesus led me
all the way.<br />
~~~~~~~<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14pt;">All the way my Savior leads me;</span></i><i><span style="color: #333333; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
<span style="background: white;"> What have I to ask beside?</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Can I doubt His tender mercy,</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> Who through life has been my Guide?</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> Here by faith in Him to dwell!</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">For I know, whate’er befall me,</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> Jesus doeth all things well,</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">For I know, whate’er befall me,</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> Jesus doeth all things well.</span></span></i><i><span style="font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">…When my spirit, clothed immortal,</span></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #333333; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />
<span style="background: white;"> Wings its flight to realms of day,</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">This my song through endless ages:</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> Jesus led me all the way,</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">This my song through endless ages:</span><br />
</span><span style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> Jesus led me all the way.</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14.0pt;">~~~~~~~<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;">Eternal
life, begun below,<br />
Now fills my heart and soul;<br />
I’ll sing His praise forevermore</span></i><i><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></i><i><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;">Who has redeemed my soul.</span></i><i><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 16.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;">’Tis true, oh, yes, ’tis true,</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">God’s wonderful promise is true;</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">For I’ve trusted, and tested, and tried it,</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">And I know God’s promise is true.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Michael <i>trusted</i> fully and completely.</span></span><br />
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Michael <i>followed</i> fully and completely.</span></span><br />
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Michael <i>loved</i> fully and completely. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Michael <i>lived</i> fully and completely.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I pray that much of who he was has been
successfully passed on to our children.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">But back to my questions, to today’s thought
processes:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Am I even halfway close to becoming the person
Michael was? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">No. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Will I ever be? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I don’t know.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Maybe. Maybe not.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Because while he was all things good and right
and steady and wonderful, <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>I
am not Michael. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i>I am not
Michael.</i></b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">And it’s
okay.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I was not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">created </i>to be Michael.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am
someone different. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am…me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">And as
flawed and imperfect and scratched and dented as I am, <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am the
only one who can live the life God has intended for ME to live.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I have
been given a unique set of circumstances, <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">a unique
array of gifts and talents,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">a unique
circle of acquaintances,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">a unique
family to raise,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><b>and</b></i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">God has
equipped me in a unique way<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">to accomplish
His unique mission for me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">So, today
as I sit for a few moments next to the heavy, shiny, black stone that marks my
husband’s final earthly resting place, I see the empty spot beside it that is
awaiting my own marker someday, <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">and…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i>my
determination is renewed.</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I can NOT
give up! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I can NOT
turn back!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I MUST
push forward with my search for God’s heart!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I MUST
focus on leading my family in that same search!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I MUST
find His perfect will for my life and determine to follow it!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I MUST pursue
finding the joy in every day!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I MUST
continue loving God…and others!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I MUST rest
in God’s design…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">of</i> me, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">for</i> me!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I MUST…so
that when <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my</i> ending date is finally
determined, <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">as with Michael,
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">there will
be no regrets,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">and<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">there will
be no doubt as to where I’m spending eternity!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<h2>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;">Growing, learning, searching, finding, </span></span></h2>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div>
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
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SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-39703705314713995702017-10-19T22:04:00.000-07:002017-10-19T22:04:49.237-07:00"Tree of Life"<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It’s done. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It’s been a while in the making. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">One year, nine months, and two days, to be exact. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">On January 16, 2016, I dared to walk through the doors of
the St. Luke’s Hospice House once again, knowing that it would be an emotional
challenge for me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But I also knew it was time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Time to go back and remember…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Time to go back and acknowledge the impact this place had on my life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Time to go back to the place where I had last seen my
precious husband alive.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Time to go back and thank the precious nurses who walked
beside us during those last hours.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I entered, unsure of how to go about this process. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The receptionist…well, I’m not sure she knew <i>what </i>to do with
me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">She looked me over a bit, then asked me the question all receptionists
everywhere ask– <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“How can I help you?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It was then that I found myself unable to speak clearly over
the crazy emotions that burned in my eyes and stuck in my throat like an old
sock.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I stuttered and stammered around a bit and finally squeaked
out that I had lost my husband two years prior in this facility and I had come
back just to visit and to take a quick look around. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Then she said something I’ll never forget. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">She kind of harrumphed and stated firmly, “Well. You aren’t
doing very good for it being three years, are ya?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I didn’t bother to correct her. It didn’t seem to matter all
that much at the time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Because no. I wasn’t doing well. At all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I was walking where I had last walked immediately following
my husband’s death. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Memories and emotions were slamming me around, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> crushing me
first on one side, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> then piercing me on the other.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I wanted to be there. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I needed to take this step. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But I needed to do so without an audience.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Without judgment.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Without censure. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So I just calmly asked for the receptionist's permission to
walk around and maybe head back to the nurses desk. She waved me on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">There was another occupant in THE ROOM. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I wondered what their story was. How much longer they would
occupy that room. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I wanted to have a chance to go in, but it wasn’t to be. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And that was okay.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I walked around the halls, remembering different scenarios
that had occurred in different locations as I did so. We were there less than
48 hours, but so much had happened in those hours.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I visited with some of the nurses at the desk, once again
barely able to squeak out my reason for being there. They were so kind and
understanding! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">One nurse on duty perked up. “Oh, yes! I think I remember
you! Did he have a blanket with a picture of your kids on it?” Yes. He did! I
thought it special that she remembered.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The nurse who stood on the other side of Michael’s bed with
me that last night – literally ALL night long – was on maternity leave. So I
left some information in hopes she would eventually contact me. That’s another
story for another time. She was one amazing lady…I will never forget the gifts
of her presence, comfort, encouragement, help, and even prayers (I’m pretty
sure). She didn’t HAVE to stand there the entire night. She could have come
up with reasons to escape and catch her breath but she didn’t choose to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">She didn’t leave us alone. And I’m ever so grateful. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I also took time to visit the little chapel. It is just down
the hall a short way from what was Michael’s room. It’s a serene little room as
most chapels are. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But it was the stained-glass window that caught my
attention. This one, in fact.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihnfIRzVr0AfFCk4JKTxrQrp0dfplOMY5u63_ztIH0hYLuZJT9A4LLMolPDYbKWII-UA27M79a8swbA_f0VJyFxIM8XEbUCRoHCzXKGqymi_fWKj-dTJY806Y1FFXTCf0NXYBK-iYvnw0/s1600/Window.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="949" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihnfIRzVr0AfFCk4JKTxrQrp0dfplOMY5u63_ztIH0hYLuZJT9A4LLMolPDYbKWII-UA27M79a8swbA_f0VJyFxIM8XEbUCRoHCzXKGqymi_fWKj-dTJY806Y1FFXTCf0NXYBK-iYvnw0/s640/Window.JPG" width="377" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The window was called “The Tree of Life” and was created by local
artist Gene Roper for the facility which had opened just six months before our
time there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">As I sat there, surrounded by the peace of the place, and
uplifted by the light shining through this beautiful window, I decided I might
need to do something special with this window in mind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">After Michael died, I picked up some paints, some tiny
canvases, and some tiny brushes and painted some things that had meaning to me
as a way of remembering them and as a way of processing through some emotion. Painting
became one of my favorite therapeutic activities. I didn’t want it to be a high
pressure pastime, so I usually just let it flow…whatever happened, happened…learning
more and more each time I painted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I decided to paint the window. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I sketched it not long after my visit. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But, painting stained-glass that looks like light is shining
through it seemed like a challenge for which I wasn’t quite ready. So I stashed
away my sketched canvas and there it sat. For too long.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Then, one day, I decided this project NEEDED completion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I began. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I worked on it in spurts, learning more as I went along. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And last night, October 18, 2017, I finally completed my
memorial project. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And now I share it with you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA61W53MWhKltdnuKKOi4qhdmVo1m9qNBrqIVZXuV01TdYwULawIFVtuyBNQmjo0_9a0u6dR5TbP3YVWWq6tUkRK9SsrhMRbh61rFIppyqmDlXivSedo6sj3eAjveQcpXTR6LPJJ1IgTk/s1600/IMG_1412.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1262" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA61W53MWhKltdnuKKOi4qhdmVo1m9qNBrqIVZXuV01TdYwULawIFVtuyBNQmjo0_9a0u6dR5TbP3YVWWq6tUkRK9SsrhMRbh61rFIppyqmDlXivSedo6sj3eAjveQcpXTR6LPJJ1IgTk/s640/IMG_1412.JPG" width="504" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Thank you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Thank you for praying for us...for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Thank you for reading my thoughts expressed here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Thank you for expressing such love and care and prayerful
support.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It has been vital to my survival some days.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It has been a blessing and a help and a lift. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It has been invaluable to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Thank you.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdPEEU9PHQO8VoJgB_stgdzUd6lR7jMMvcuxNwGT7FLcwpiLtZSq-VMJJcEMo0izuh8ha1G6-u0avXh0PBJXBTlmgTv94ZG5IsZcie20XAbNsg0UEqwN0BQIL2xnrPV1JGCP5Mi1XIGx4/s1600/Signature.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="169" data-original-width="594" height="91" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdPEEU9PHQO8VoJgB_stgdzUd6lR7jMMvcuxNwGT7FLcwpiLtZSq-VMJJcEMo0izuh8ha1G6-u0avXh0PBJXBTlmgTv94ZG5IsZcie20XAbNsg0UEqwN0BQIL2xnrPV1JGCP5Mi1XIGx4/s320/Signature.png" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<br /></div>
SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-35218487727561064632017-08-20T22:34:00.002-07:002017-08-25T08:33:39.739-07:00Part Two<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Why "Part Two"? Because this is the <i>rest</i> of the story...written in response to a request to share how God has chosen to use my journey to help others.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="text 2Cor-1-3" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="text 2Cor-1-3" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.</span><span class="text 2Cor-1-4" id="en-NLT-28765" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span></span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="text 2Cor-1-4" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="text 2Cor-1-4" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">When they are troubled, we will be able to give them </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="text 2Cor-1-4" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">the same comfort God has given us.</span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="text 2Cor-1-4" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">2 Corinthians 1:3-4</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="text 2Cor-1-4" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is there a purpose to my pain? Is there a point to all this
struggle? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I asked myself those questions time and time again as I watched
my husband suffer and slowly, yet far too quickly, decline. And God answered
time and time again by opening little windows into what He was doing with our
story. He allowed us the blessing of seeing lives affected positively and even
changed by Michael’s story and testimony. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And it helped. It gave us courage. It gave us a reason for
our situation. And having a reason somehow made it all a bit more bearable. We
knew these windows into God’s plan were a blessing. And we knew that not
everyone gets that blessing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is there a purpose to my pain? Is there a point to all this struggle?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I asked myself those questions time and time again as I
faced the demon of depression, experienced panic attacks, and felt very, very,
very alone when facing some serious and extremely difficult situations.
Relationships were fractured, hearts were hurt, and hope was nowhere in sight.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And…at the time, I couldn’t find a good answer. It seemed…unfair.
Was God only going to use parts of our story to help others? Was this pain all
for nothing? If it came about just to teach ME something, why couldn’t God just
make it plain so that I could learn the lesson, move on, and stop having to
deal with all of this trauma!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is there a purpose to my pain? Is there a point to all this
struggle?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I asked myself those questions time and time again as I
endured the grief of losing my very best friend. I asked when I cried myself to
sleep night after night. I asked when I faced decisions I felt unprepared and
unqualified to make. I asked when grief-induced depression rendered me helpless
and useless <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">for</i> anything and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">to </i>anyone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And, slowly…slowly, but surely, God began showing me here
and there, in little bite-sized pieces, that…yes. There was a purpose. There
was a point. There was a reason. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In some ways, this journey has just begun. This story is
just starting to unfold. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But here is what I know now. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My God held me as I endured my pain!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My God comforted me in my darkest, most lonely moments!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My God never left my side for even one second as I lived
through my worst nightmares!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My God has fulfilled every promise He has made to care for
me!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My God now asks that I share what I’ve learned with others.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And He is gently teaching me how this works!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He is teaching me there is no need to resent my pain.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You see, my pain allows me to see one face in a crowded room
as it crumples in response to some inner pain. It moves me to head straight for
that person and offer a hug and a few words to show my concern. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My pain means I’m not afraid of the hard questions people
ask me as they work through their own challenges. It means I can truly <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hear</i> them and validate their emotions,
keeping them from feeling so alone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My pain has opened doors for me to reach out to so many
people, from all walks of life. An atheist mom friend asked me how I could deal
with the pain of losing my husband…and I got to talk to her about God’s grace
for over an hour. A receptionist at a doctor’s office has asked me for marriage
and parenting advice several times. I express comfort to other struggling
widows who share their needs in a Facebook group and I swap coping and survival
techniques with some widow friends who also homeschool. I walked alongside a
dear friend via texts until she entered her darkest challenge yet and I could
no longer support her in that way. Moms ask me for help dealing with the tough
stuff of raising kids, cancer patients feel free to share their fear and
anxiety with me, caretakers share their struggles and discouragements with me, college
kids ask for advice and share their heartaches, women share their emotional,
mental, spiritual, physical, and even marital challenges, and the list goes on.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I text, email, and use FB messenger to listen to, encourage,
empathize with, and counsel hurting people. I’ve taken phone calls and listened
as a young person shared his suicidal thoughts and his struggles facing his own
pain. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People seem to know they <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can
</i>unload on me. I’m glad. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I write about my crazy emotions on my blog, and something
about that resonates with people. Sometimes they even tell me it is helpful to
them as they climb their own mountains. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I cry for people. I cry with people. I pray for people. I
pray with people.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This somewhat scattered ministry has led to an official,
although volunteer, position with an organization called Crisis Family Care.
The director, Butch Heath, does personal and couples counseling, phone or in
person; he teaches seminars and does marriage intensives, etc. all working
toward rebuilding families and marriages and lives wherever his help is needed!
He asked me to join his team answering email inquiries for help from locations
outside the U.S. So I have been communicating with people in locations from
Africa to Canada, offering encouragement, prayer, resources, and some basic
Bible based insight into their situations.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is new ground for me. This is sometimes uncomfortably
new and scary. But – If I truly believe God, then I also must believe that this…this
ministry is part of the purpose for my pain. My heart has been changed
dramatically because of my pain. My mission for this season of my life seems to
be being available to hear and respond to the pain of other people. That might
mean chatting with someone until 3 AM. That might mean setting household chores
aside to text or talk for a while. That might mean dropping everything to pray with
someone right before they face a challenge. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I pray often that God will use my words, written or spoken,
to be an encouragement and help to someone else and lead them toward finding
hope and healing in our great God. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And in some ways, at some points, it seems He is answering
that prayer.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">For the Kingdom,</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjejdprk7tz8mLU9d4sVyY2zdWh7lZiCsfEqdfwcvfldE11Jv323s55w_n09CJCUBYm3iqlItdNQwIk4DwUy4oi8OLvHVsrmdNOOuMFwSMozuoV1xLGXmnlewEYG3kjIE5SV0UH2JkJ_Ko/s1600/Signature.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="169" data-original-width="462" height="73" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjejdprk7tz8mLU9d4sVyY2zdWh7lZiCsfEqdfwcvfldE11Jv323s55w_n09CJCUBYm3iqlItdNQwIk4DwUy4oi8OLvHVsrmdNOOuMFwSMozuoV1xLGXmnlewEYG3kjIE5SV0UH2JkJ_Ko/s200/Signature.png" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-1869112247530630642017-08-18T12:19:00.001-07:002017-08-18T12:19:33.827-07:00...who fights this battle?<div class="MsoNormal">
What is going on? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t understand this, God.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thought I had moved past being so strongly affected by
circumstances around me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I guess not.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thought I had reached a point where I could reach out and
comfort and help families who had lost loved ones or faced difficult
situations. I thought maybe I’d now know what to say, how to comfort others as
I have been comforted. I thought maybe I’d be better at seeing what needs are
present and how to go about helping to meet those needs. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I guess not. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because I’m over here huddled in the proverbial corner,
unsure of how to help anyone around me who is hurting right now. I’m feeling
their pain, yet I’m unsure of how to step in to aid them in carrying their
heavy loads. I’m understanding there is a need, yet I’m unsure of how to go
about meeting it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m longing to reach out, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to bring encouragement, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to ease troubled minds, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to cheer sagging spirits, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to comfort grieving hearts,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to…help!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is WRONG with me?? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m supposed to have “moved on” by now. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m supposed to have this all figured out by now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m supposed to be in full swing ministry mode by now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And sometimes, yeah. Sometimes, I CAN reach out. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But sometimes, I just…still…can’t.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This must be one of those times. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No, it’s not just an excuse. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s my reality.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It often happens that molehills for some people are
mountains to me since I’m endeavoring to conquer them basically alone. It also
often happens that at the same time I am over here trying to devise a strategy
for smashing said mountain/molehill, several events occur in which other people
important to me could benefit from my encouragement and help. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yet I feel helpless. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I KNOW these crises situations are NOT about me and my
needs. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t WANT them to be about me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is when I find myself depending heavily on my Father’s
resources once again. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is when I find myself digging way down, searching for
any self-discipline that might still be there. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is when I find myself needing extra grace – grace extended
when others don’t understand, and grace for myself when I feel I’ve failed someone
once again. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
None of this is new. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It has happened many times. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s just that…now I’m finding it harder to be okay with it
happening. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not sure ANY of this even makes any sense to anyone
else. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s okay. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It doesn’t have to. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is MY journey, after all. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No one else has to live it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or answer for it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just…please don’t judge it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because I am doing my best to hear God’s voice and follow
His gentle leading. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because I am doing my best to give regularly to others –
through encouragement, comfort, time - understanding, sharing, listening…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because I am doing my best to be all God has called me to be
in this moment. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And sometimes I find I can’t go one step farther on my own. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I must wait until God steps in and fills me back up,
renewing my spirit before venturing out into that world of hurting people once
again. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">will</i> make it
back out there. I will.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
But for this moment, I might just be hiding a tiny bit
longer. <o:p></o:p></div>
SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-15684404388605959142017-05-27T20:07:00.001-07:002017-05-27T20:23:36.832-07:00...feeling this way? <div style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sometimes my heart hurts in ways difficult to express. </span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The sting becomes central to my focus when new challenges present themselves - challenges that I have and still do fear. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This week has presented me with some of these challenges. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">To some of you, what challenged me this week would seem...almost laughable. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Maybe because you've already faced that one over there and defeated it soundly. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Maybe because one of the others never frightened you in the first place. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Maybe because you didn't have to face any of those challenges alone. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But they were fear-filled for me. In ways I cannot or do not have to explain to anyone else. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I was very afraid. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am still somewhat uncertain.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I'm not sure I know myself all of the reasons why. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But here is what I DO know. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I survived.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My kids are okay.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My fear might have taken control for a time, but it didn't win.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I think my prayer for wisdom was granted.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I hate facing these things alone.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Fear makes me feel more alone than I am.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Fear makes me feel inadequate and stupid.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Fear makes me want to hide.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The Bible says, "Perfect love casteth out fear."</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Maybe something is wrong with me.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Because fear still happens. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This week, I prayed, and still the fear encircled me...rumbling...stalking...</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">By God's grace, I was able to push through it and do what I needed to do.</span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I do believe God was with me the whole time and </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> paved the way for me even though I might not see it yet. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I don't like adulting alone. Not. One. Bit. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But. Life has to be...lived. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And somehow, in spite of all the fear, guilt, weakness, and loneliness that sometimes </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> haunts me, life...still moves forward. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sometimes it just shoves me out of the way, trampling me into the dust. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sometimes it lures me to its adventurous side. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sometimes it goes on hand in hand with everyone else - leaving me behind, </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> unsure of how to join them. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sometimes I can feel God close by...whispering in my ear, leading me along life's path. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sometimes He feels so far away...but...He says <i>He</i> doesn't move...</span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sometimes I long for something different...</span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sometimes I don't want a single thing to change. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sometimes the challenges present me with opportunities for growth and I welcome them. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sometimes the challenges beat me down with reasons I am incapable of fulfilling this role </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> and I resent them.</span></div>
<div class="p2" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sometimes the challenges bully me with fear and I do all I can to avoid them. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 20.3px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And often - oh, so very often - I miss the one with whom I was meant to share </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> all of these highs and lows; the one who - in another "life" - pulled me through and </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> cheered me on to victory.</span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">When will the hurt ever end? </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><i>Should</i> it ever end? </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Maybe that's a question for another day.</span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Maybe for this day, I will endeavor to train my thoughts </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"> toward being grateful. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Grateful for the blessing of God's grace and His faithfulness to bring us through even the worst of moments to find joy on the other side. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="color: #454545; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">And maybe the fear will finally go away.</span></span></div>
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SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-52409675726561128292017-04-14T22:40:00.000-07:002017-04-15T21:54:25.303-07:00...who is remembering the ultimate sacrifice?<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Maundy Thursday.<br />
Good Friday.<br />
Passion Week.<br />
<br />
What do these days of remembrance bring to
mind?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The prayer.<br />
The betrayal.<br />
The mocking.<br />
The lies.<br />
The pain.<br />
The sacrifice. <br />
The bloodshed.<br />
The cruelty.<br />
The tears.<br />
The agony.<br />
The walk.<br />
The cross.<br />
The finish.<br />
The darkness.<br />
The earthquake.<br />
The fear.<br />
<br />
The forgiveness! <br />
The promise!<br />
The curtain!<br />
The fulfillment!<br />
The love!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The love…that <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">incredible </b>love!</i><br />
<br />
How do these make me feel?<br />
<br />
Humbled.<br />
Unworthy.<br />Mournful.<br />
Solemn.<br />
Sad…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Yet…</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Hopeful!<br />
Reassured!<br />
Affirmed! <br />
Grateful!<br />
Blessed!<br />
Treasured!<br />
Valued!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Optimistic!<br />
Commissioned!<br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ready…for </i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Easter Sunday</b> morning!!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">It is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">because</i> of
my Savior’s sacrifice that I have assurance of eternity in Heaven!<br />
It is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">because</i> of my Savior’s sacrifice
that I have a way to God’s heart through prayer!<br />
It is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">because</i> of my Savior’s
sacrifice that I have hope of seeing Michael once again!<br />
It is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">because</i> of my Savior’s
sacrifice that I have lost the fear of death itself!<br />
It is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">because</i> of my Savior’s
sacrifice that I can look with confidence into the future!<br />
It is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">because</i> of my Savior’s
sacrifice that I can conquer each daily challenge!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">It is because of my Savior’s sacrifice that I can sleep
peacefully each night…<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>knowing…<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He keeps His
promises. All of them. <br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">THIS </i>is what these days mean to me.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">This is why I can still find joy even on the toughest days.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">This is why I can still feel peaceful though circumstances bring confusion or
fear.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">This is why I work to resist temptation.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">This is why I keep God’s house a priority.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">This is why I serve Him even when others may not understand.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I can’t let HIM down! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">He gave His LIFE for me!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>He deserves my ALL…my obedience…<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It is the <em>least</em> I can do.<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
</span><br />
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SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-62241154341798140682017-03-07T00:21:00.003-08:002017-03-07T00:23:56.783-08:00...who is confused?I don't have time to write this.<br />
I should be in bed. Because I'm so tired.<br />
<br />
And you know what? I'm not tired because I worked super hard today.<br />
Nope.<br />
Actually, on the whole, I accomplished very little.<br />
I'm not tired because I'm sick.<br />
Nope.<br />
Actually, I kind of wish I were. Then I would have a <i>reason</i> for not getting much accomplished.<br />
I'm not tired because I've done some wonderful compassionate thing for a hurting soul somewhere.<br />
Nope.<br />
Actually, I am wishing I had the emotional energy for that.<br />
<br />
I'm tired because I haven't managed my time very well the past couple of days.<br />
I haven't managed my time well because I'm feeling so overwhelmed.<br />
I'm feeling super overwhelmed because I can't sort through the stuff in my head and<br />
on my to-do list in a way that makes it feel manageable.<br />
<br />
I know.<br />
That doesn't make sense to most of you. Maybe not to ANY of you.<br />
But, as I've endeavored to explain to someone recently, it's my reality currently.<br />
And I'm at a loss to know what to do to change this.<br />
<br />
This is what I wrote to my friend the other day.<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </span><br />
<i><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I</span></span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"> do know that Michael is in a wonderful place and that we will join him someday. </span></span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>And I want you to know that I don't sit around in a state of depression all the time. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>No, for the most part, I AM able to feel joy and for the most part I AM at peace. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>But. There are times when many difficult responsibilities and concerns all come in on me at once. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>And often in those times, it's several things that Michael would have taken care of. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>So I find myself without a decision maker, </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i> a source of objective wisdom, </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i> a capable fixer, </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i> and a sounding board. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>I don't know HOW to take care of some of these things and struggle to find someone who is willing to help with those particular tasks. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>I might know how in other cases, but I'm still working on knowing how to make good decisions. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>I find it very difficult to trust my decision making ability. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>Because I've made many decisions that have ended up NOT being the right ones. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>Sometimes those have cost me money. I get confused sometimes when I have to make snap decisions. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>That wouldn't have happened to Michael. He never would have wasted a penny. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>So then I begin to doubt my ability to do this alone. </i></span></span><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white;">It's a lonely frustration that adds to the overwhelming cloud already hanging over my head. </span></span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; display: inline-block; font-size: 14px; height: 16px; margin-left: 1px; margin-right: 1px; pointer-events: none; vertical-align: middle; white-space: pre-wrap; width: 16px;"><img alt="😣" class="_1ift _2560 img" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v7/z8f/1/16/1f623.png" style="border: 0px; display: inline-block; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; height: 16px; margin: 0px 1px; pointer-events: none; vertical-align: middle; white-space: pre-wrap; width: 16px;" /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></i><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>I try to tell someone else the specifics of my concerns and end up feeling stupid </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i> for not knowing how to manage them. So then it gets worse. </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Sometimes I ask for help and get a blank stare. I end up feeling as though everyone thinks, </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i> "Well, we manage our stuff and have to figure it out ourselves, so why can't you?" </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>But I've not always had to DO it by myself. So I still don't KNOW all the ins and outs of everything. </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Does any of that make sense?</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Add to the above the fact that my decisions do NOT only affect me, </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> but also the four precious people I'm </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">responsible for raising to successful adulthood. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Add to the above the fact that my life's goal right now is to fulfill that task to the best of my ability.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> But daily...DAILY I feel the weight of not being able to do all that would be of greatest benefit to</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> those souls in my care.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Add to the above the ready guilt that accompanies any time spent at the store or mall or </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> social media </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">where the world screams that I've not yet fulfilled my child's greatest wishes</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> or helped them </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">reach their highest potential by providing them with this or that </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> item, lesson, or experience.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Add to the above the difficulty I have had in finding my new place in society...</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I lost my old well-defined </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">role as wife to someone who was making a difference for God. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> What can I offer now? </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Do I have anything of value to contribute to Kingdom work?</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Because I know that's an important part of God's assignment for Christians.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Do I have anything of value that is worth marketing or sharing with others? </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Because eventually I will need another source of income. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Do I have anything of value that I can offer in light of the many I know who are hurting deeply?</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Because I long to help and show them how much I care and help lift their crazy-heavy loads.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">But...I'm nobody.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don't have an out-of-this-world musical talent. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don't have a unique art style that sets me apart...I'm just a copycat.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don't have mad gourmet kitchen skills...I cook for survival. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don't have loads of wisdom to share via the stage or the printed page. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don't have wonderful mom/teacher hack ideas to post on Pinterest or Facebook.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don't have Pinterest-inspired house décor. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don't have a child prodigy in my bunch with whom to wow the world. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I often don't even have the common sense to figure out what to do next let alone help anyone else.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Who AM I, anyway?</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">And...why has God called <i>me</i> to this too-huge-for-me task?</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The thought that runs rampant through my head is that </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Michael could have done this better than I. </span></i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">And even more often is this thought that</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> <i>ANYONE could pull this off better than I.</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">So. How to keep my thought processes right side up...</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maybe I'll start by reviewing what I would tell someone else to do - if they asked. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> * Rest. Go to bed. Get some sleep. Things <i>always </i>look better after sufficient physical renewal. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> * Remind yourself of your ultimate goal, your highest priority - Heaven at any cost.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> * Relax. God only asked you to be you...not anyone else. (Not an original thought, BTW.)</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> * Refresh yourself. Eat right. Don't forget breakfast. It gets the day off to a rocky start. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> * Rejuvenate through a bit of creative activity. Interestingly, it can jumpstart your motivation. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> * Remember the things you <i>have</i> done over the past few days to help other people. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> * Reevaluate your task list and see if anything can be delegated. Then...delegate it. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> * Reprioritize said task list. Then...just...do the next thing. (Again...not original. Elisabeth Elliot)</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> * Release yourself from societal pressures. Maybe ignore you some social media?</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> * Renew your mind with God's Word and spiritually uplifting music while doing the above.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> * Restart. It's a new day with new opportunities for growth, progress, and ministry.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> * Resolve to do what you can, when you can, the best you can, then trust God for the rest. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I'm sure more could be added here. What came to <i>your </i>mind? </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is crazy. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have honestly written this as I am thinking it out - with a random tweak here and there. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nothing was preplanned or preprocessed.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">And it is changing my emotions, easing my panic, and refreshing my outlook. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have told many of you faithful readers that this blog is a "unique monkey" - </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> (please don't ask me to explain <i>that</i> term! I have no idea where it came from! LOL!) </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I don't write like this anywhere else. I don't know <i>why</i> I write like this here. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> It has become a place where I process through what is happening in my heart, mind, and soul.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> It takes the swirling, whirling, churning, burning thoughts and emotions and </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> sets them down in a neatly controlled and orderly fashion.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The black and white words on this page, lined up and spaced just so, actually work to suck the power </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> out of the storm of emotion, leaving me room to breathe normally again. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">So...how do I feel now? Well...</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">* I'm still nobody - in the eyes of this world - but God knows where I am!</span></span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span class="small-caps divine-name" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant-caps: small-caps;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span class="small-caps divine-name" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant-caps: small-caps;">Lord</span>, You have searched me and known me.</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="text Ps-139-2" id="en-HCSB-16242" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-weight: bold; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">2 </span></span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="text Ps-139-2" id="en-HCSB-16242" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic; position: relative;">You know when I sit down and when I stand up;</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="text Ps-139-2" id="en-HCSB-16242" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic; position: relative;">
</span><span class="text Ps-139-2" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic; position: relative;"><div style="text-align: center;">
You understand my thoughts from far away.</div>
</span><span class="text Ps-139-3" id="en-HCSB-16243" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-weight: bold; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; text-align: center; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">3 </span><div style="text-align: center;">
You observe my travels and my rest;</div>
</span><span class="text Ps-139-3" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic; position: relative;"><div style="text-align: center;">
You are aware of all my ways.</div>
</span><span class="text Ps-139-4" id="en-HCSB-16244" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-weight: bold; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; text-align: center; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">4 </span><div style="text-align: center;">
Before a word is on my tongue,</div>
</span><span class="text Ps-139-4" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic; position: relative;"><div style="text-align: center;">
You know all about it, <span class="small-caps divine-name" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant-caps: small-caps;">Lord</span>.</div>
</span><span class="text Ps-139-5" id="en-HCSB-16245" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-weight: bold; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; text-align: center; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">5 </span><div style="text-align: center;">
You have encircled me;</div>
</span><span class="text Ps-139-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic; position: relative;"><div style="text-align: center;">
You have placed Your hand on me.</div>
</span><span class="text Ps-139-6" id="en-HCSB-16246" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-weight: bold; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; text-align: center; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">6 </span><div style="text-align: center;">
This extraordinary knowledge is beyond me.</div>
</span><span class="text Ps-139-6" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"><div style="font-style: italic; text-align: center;">
It is lofty; I am unable to reach it.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>~ </i>Psalm 139:1-6</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</span></span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">* I'm still looking at a huge task list - but it's not the first God has helped me face and tackle.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; text-align: start;">"He gives </span><span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-align: start;">strength</span><span style="background-color: white; text-align: start;"> to the weary and </span><span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-align: start;">strength</span><span style="background-color: white; text-align: start;">ens the powerless."</span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">~ Isaiah 40:29</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; text-align: start;">"I am able to do all things through Him </span><span style="background-color: white; text-align: start;">who strengthens me."</span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; text-align: start;">~ Philippians 4:13</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white; text-align: start;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">* I'm still carrying burdens for others - but I'm <i>honored </i>to walk this road with these precious friends.</span></span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><br /></i></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>"Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ...</i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Therefore, as we have opportunity, we must work<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-29197L" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-29197L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> for the good<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-29197M" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-29197M" title="See cross-reference M">M</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> of all..."</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">~ Galatians 6:2, 10</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; text-align: start;">"Now finally, all of you should be like-minded and sympathetic, </span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; text-align: start;">should love believers, </span><span style="background-color: white; text-align: start;">and be compassionate</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-30431Q" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-30431Q" title="See cross-reference Q">Q</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; text-align: start; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; text-align: start;"> and humble..."</span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; text-align: start;">~ 1 Peter 3:8</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white; text-align: start;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And what do I plan to do? Hmmm...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I'll play, sing, and write music the best I can for <i>God's</i> glory,</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> use my art to bless other people and for </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">therapy on the tough days,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> cook basic but decent meals for my family,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> share what God is teaching me with my virtual "kitchen table" guests (emails, messages, texts),</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> continue doing what works for me in keeping our household and homeschool running,</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> enjoy this </span><i style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">wonderful </i><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">home God has provided for us - and use it to bless others,</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> celebrate my wonderfully unique, compassionate, cheerful, and often wise children as the people</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> God created them to be, <i>AND</i></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> see if I can learn from the common sense of my "pillar people" - my family, friends, mentors...</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">"Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for </span><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">God</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">’s </span><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">glory</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">."</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;">~ 1 Corinthians 10:31</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;">So. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Now it is time to put into practice what I would apparently preach. </span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">I'm going to bed............</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Still finding God faithful to help me sort through my messes,</span></span></span></h4>
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P.S. Oh. Just realized that some of this <i>might</i> be worse because Michael's birthday is coming up in a few short days...maybe I'm not quite as nutty as I thought...</div>
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SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-26472445947560922482017-01-16T09:58:00.000-08:002017-01-16T10:06:36.205-08:00...who is...okay?<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Three years. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">How can that be??<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">How is it that I’ve arrived at this point?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">knew </i>three
years and one day ago that there was NO POSSIBLE WAY I could <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">live</i> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> without my husband Michael as a part
of my world!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">How is it that I am not only living but doing so with some
degree of success?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">How is it that in this moment, as I sit here surrounded by
reminders of Michael, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">that I’m…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">okay?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Is it okay to be “okay?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I say yes. And not just “yes,” but YES!!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Why?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Because it means that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">God.
Is. Answering. Prayer</i>! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">All the hundreds of prayers that have been prayed for my
kiddos, for me, for our well-being, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">for our comfort, for our healing, for
wisdom, for grace, for strength, for protection…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Yeah. THOSE prayers.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The prayers prayed by my parents and siblings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The prayers prayed by my in-laws and extended family
members.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The prayers prayed by our church <s>family</s> families…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">because this extends far beyond our
local congregation!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The prayers prayed by my dearest friends…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">those on whom I dump when things
get kinda crazy in my brain and heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The prayers prayed by neighbors and friends of friends.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The prayers prayed by folks whom we’ve never met.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">These have been all been answered! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">God may have allowed challenges we would rather not have to
face, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">but He has never once abandoned us.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">God may not have
chosen to remove every thorn, <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">but He has strewn our pathway with MANY roses for us to enjoy!<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">He has sent us blessing and encouragement through smiles and
hugs…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Emails and
messages…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>Phone
calls and texts…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>Songs
and sermons…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">He has granted help and assistance through new acquaintances
and old friends,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Family
nearby and family far away…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Next door neighbors
and random strangers…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Now, listen…I get it. There are few of you who still pray
for us by name <i>every</i> day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">That’s TOTALLY okay. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I promise. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The crisis has passed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So I don’t expect it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Because I know that you HAVE prayed every time things have been tough for us.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Because I know that when we DO come to mind, many of you DO still pray for us…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> and that means so very much!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Because I know that there are other desperate needs that
arise daily and </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> require much focused prayer effort.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Because I know that it’s my turn now to pray for YOU!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And I will…and
DO!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">SO. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Three years. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Seems more like three months in some ways. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">There are <i>so many</i> ways that Michael still influences us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">There are <i>so many</i> reminders of him in the personalities of
these amazing kids of ours!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">There are <i>so many</i> ripples of his impact still being seen and
felt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Three years. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">What have I learned?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">OH, MY! So much!!! So very, very much!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve learned more about finances and taxes and investing…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve learned more about vehicle purchasing and maintenance
and repair…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve learned more about computer purchasing and maintenance
and repair…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>(I even
replaced a power supply all by myself!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve learned more about shopping wisely…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">(Okay, I’m still working on that
one. Lol!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve learned more about managing and prioritizing my time…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>(There are
new and different demands on it now.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve learned more about grief and control and acceptable ways to release emotions…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve learned more about making mistakes and which ones don’t really matter in the end…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve learned more about saying no and releasing unnecessary
stress…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">(Okay, okay! This is another one that
still needs work…)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve learned more about my children and the amazing people
they are and are becoming…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve learned more about duty…and responsibility…and grief…and
persistence…and diligence…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> and trust…and patience…and faith…and blessing…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><b>…and God.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My God has never once let me down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My God has carried me, cradled me, chastened me…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Saved me, sustained
me, strengthened me, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>Bolstered
me, blessed me, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> Forgiven me...</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Loved me…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Just as He promised. </span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">He has given me so much!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">He has opened doors and given me words to say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">He has granted me wisdom for decisions and peace when making
them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">He has calmed fears and soothed away worries.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">He has never let me go!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Are there still tears? Of course! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Are there still painful and tender memories? Of course!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Are there still feelings of sheer terror followed quickly by
panic? Of course!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Are there still lonely nights and difficult social
situations? Of course!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Are there still days controlled by brain fog and stress
intolerance - </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> otherwise known as the <a href="http://shawnawright.blogspot.com/2016/12/with-crud.html" target="_blank">CRUD</a>? </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Of course!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Are there still moments when I desperately want to pull back
the curtain of Heaven and shout <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">that it’s not fair that we’re here
and he’s there? Of course!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">They just don’t come as often as they used to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">They just don’t stay as long as they used to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The memories have shifted to the sweet, the fond, the funny,
the inspiring, the precious ones…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Their
arrival brings soft tears rather than sobs, smiles that ease the heartache…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I'm sure there is a better word choice for this statement, but since none comes to mind, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> I'll just say this...</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I feel incredibly blessed to have known, loved, married, and spent half my lifetime with the </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> amazing</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> man we all know as Michael Wright.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Now I am incredibly honored to be traveling life's pathway with his four precious children. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’m grateful… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So deeply grateful…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Grateful that I’m…okay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Deeply indebted to each of you for your prayers,</span></h2>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-67800460292202429532016-12-04T23:22:00.004-08:002016-12-05T07:59:15.963-08:00...with the CRUD?<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The CRUD is back.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hate it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At least I dislike it very, very much.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By CRUD, I do not mean the head-stuffy, chest-congested, fever-raging
flu bug.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mean the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">C</b>ontrary
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">R</b>elentless <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">U</b>nderlying <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">D</b>isturbance
of stress-paralyzing grief junk.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(And I don't mean the sweet, romanticized, misty-eyed longing type. I mean the ugly, painful, piercing, hard type.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s Contrary - it will NOT go away no matter what I
try to do. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s Relentless - it lasts far too long and controls
way too much.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s Underlying - it lurks just below the surface…even
when I ignore or stuff it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s Disturbing - it pushes peace and joy and calm
right out the door when it attacks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It lowers my stress tolerance, raises my irritability level,
and steals my emotional control.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It leaves me wimpy, weak, and wobbly.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
I wish it didn't have to try to ruin this wonderful, cheerful, Jesus-focused time of year that Michael loved so very much.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My to-do list terrifies me because I have lost all confidence
in my ability to manage those tasks successfully. My failures would be okay if
they just affected me. But this stuff matters to other people in my world. So, I
suppose it’s time to pull out the trusty guns of self-discipline and will-power
and push over and past and through…the CRUD. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But. I. Don’t. Want. To. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I WANT to sit in a comfy chair in my brightly decorated
living room, poring over memories, drinking Michael’s favorite drink, wrapped in
a blanket that sports my three favorite pics of the two of us…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
writing if I want, coloring if I
want, painting if I want, reading if I want…crying if I want.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I WANT to feel it all and stay right here in the middle of
the pain. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because if I feel the pain, I know I’ve not forgotten. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t want to forget. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to be okay, I really do - in a way. But I also don’t want to forget the pain. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because I don’t want to forget him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s an odd balance to try and find.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t just quit life and sit this month out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t stop trying to provide Christmas memories for my
kids. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t stop working on the church Christmas program.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t stop trying to manage the household while tracking down
all the right gifts.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I really don’t want to do this without Michael. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t want to be alone – but I want my <i>husband</i> back…not
just anyone.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Having other people around isn’t always helpful. I’m an
introvert through and through. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So trying to do crowd events while dealing with the CRUD
exhausts me and makes me feel vulnerable and weak…AGAIN. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">And </b>the brain fog
is back...the CRUD’s partner in crime. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s eerily reminiscent of those first few torturous months. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve had so many good days this year that I’ve been able to pretend
the CRUD doesn’t affect me anymore.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
WRONG! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And most likely it is here to stay until mid-January.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So. What to do…what to do…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I HAVE to be here for my kids. They still need me to be fully engaged as mom.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I HAVE to continue reaching out. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are others who need prayer and encouragement
even more than I do!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I HAVE to help with school work and projects. Who else is
going to pick that up?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I HAVE to deal with the finances, vehicles, and yard work.
It sure isn't my neighbor’s job. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Deep down I WANT to.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But those things may be ALL I can do for now. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I may never ever write a book or compose a hit song or speak
anywhere or have<br />
anything much of value to offer society…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I may never paint anything worthwhile or have a social media post
go viral… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I may never be a great cook and hostess or have a Pinterest-worthy
home…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I may never be sought after for advice or consulted by
others as an expert on any subject…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I may never be famous or sport a killer wardrobe…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But if I can manage to come out of this still loving Jesus, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
still feeling His presence and
smile in my heart,<o:p></o:p> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
and still enjoying a good relationship with my kids,<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span>I
will deem it a success.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They say Jesus uses cracked pots…broken vessels.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They say Jesus can take tragedy and turn it into triumph. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They say Jesus can coax beauty from ashes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They say Jesus turns sorrow into joy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They say it’s about WHO GOD IS – not what I’m not.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That thought, my friends, brings true comfort!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">will</i> I
do?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll try to get adequate rest.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll tackle those lists one tiny bite at a time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll turn on my favorite Christmas music and the lights on
the tree.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll bring school work upstairs so we can sit by the big
windows and soak up the day’s light.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll walk over and check on my elderly, widowed neighbor and text my hurting friend.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll rejoice in small victories along the way!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll revel in the blessings our Heavenly Father has dumped
all over my family!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll bask in God’s promises of provision, protection,
and grace.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll praise Him for the day’s renewed mercies and my treasure
box of memories.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll remember that this, too, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">shall pass</i>…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And…I’ll survive! In Jesus’s embrace.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="text 2Cor-12-9" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">And He has said to me, <span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">“My grace is sufficient for you, for <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NASB-29032A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NASB-29032A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>power is perfected in weakness.”</span> Most gladly, therefore, I will rather <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NASB-29032B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NASB-29032B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. </span><span class="text 2Cor-12-10" id="en-NASB-29033" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">Therefore <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NASB-29033C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NASB-29033C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NASB-29033D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NASB-29033D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>distresses, with <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NASB-29033E" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NASB-29033E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>persecutions, with <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NASB-29033F" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NASB-29033F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>difficulties, <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NASB-29033G" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NASB-29033G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>for Christ’s sake; for <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NASB-29033H" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NASB-29033H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10</span></span></i></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-size: x-large;">Crawling up </span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-size: x-large;">into Jesus's lap,</span></o:p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwxqGefD5V2HXnHJL0bOsdXcA7OfHxghADqaaC5Fk9iRzZr1_kTCrj43RSRbtur8uKLpX8T3RZjsseVs4v8qPIY6u_HFSCaH7UXMe-I8Bl5YNkbzlEQ2nn-8Jnyt0R0YQ9NhGBhyphenhyphenTliPc/s1600/Signature.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="56" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwxqGefD5V2HXnHJL0bOsdXcA7OfHxghADqaaC5Fk9iRzZr1_kTCrj43RSRbtur8uKLpX8T3RZjsseVs4v8qPIY6u_HFSCaH7UXMe-I8Bl5YNkbzlEQ2nn-8Jnyt0R0YQ9NhGBhyphenhyphenTliPc/s200/Signature.png" width="200" /></a></div>
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P.S. In Michael's memory as well as because many people miss it, I'd absolutely LOVE to get his internet radio station up and running again. So I would totally appreciate prayers that I can find the right people to help me with this project. Thanks...</div>
SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-1782931062236645112016-11-24T08:36:00.004-08:002016-11-24T23:05:01.375-08:00Thanksgiving<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Today is Thanksgiving Day.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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And I am thankful.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful that I am alive, that I am in good health,
that I am in my right mind.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful that my four children are
all serving Jesus...and <o:p></o:p>still love me.</div>
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I am thankful that we have been blessed with a beautiful
home and reliable vehicles.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful that we never go hungry or without adequate clothing.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful that so many have been willing to help us
these past few years. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful that some very loyal, patient, kind, dear, and
understanding friends still love me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful that supportive and loving family members live
close by.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I am blessed.</b></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful that three years ago today I was able to spend
a few precious hours with my suffering husband as a sort of last date, even
though we didn’t quite know it at the time. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful he felt well enough that we could get out of
the house for a time even though that time was short.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful for the memories of the talks we had in those last months…deep…rich…focused…intense…
sometimes painful…often precious…<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful for the love we shared those last few months…deep…rich…focused…all
things unimportant had been stripped away…hearts were laid bare…the two hearts
beat almost as one in a way we’d never yet experienced with the stuff of
life in control.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful for the lessons he taught me – preparing me
for the day I’d need to handle things alone…yet, not alone. For he taught me
about recognizing God’s presence in the everyday…<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful my children have memories of him.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful for the investment he made in those precious
souls.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful he earned their respect and kept it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful I can see aspects of his character and
personality in each of them…he lives on in them.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">I am blessed.</span></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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I am also thankful for the challenges for they have enabled
me to learn more about myself.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful for difficult decisions for they have forced
me to trust even more in my capable and all-wise God.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful for pain-filled nights for they have allowed
me to reach in with true empathy and speak comfort to other precious hearts who
are facing that same pain.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful for loneliness for it has opened my eyes to
see others in need of a friend; those who sit alone at the side of a crowded
room…<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful that the intensity of my pain has lessened somewhat
allowing me to turn more energy toward my children and ministry once again…and
that the good days outnumber the bad 6:1.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful for the many opportunities God brings my way
to share what I’ve learned on my journey…and that there are those who actually
want to listen.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am thankful for those who believe in me and who help me
continue growing in Christ…for that is my deepest desire. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am deeply grateful for a patient, trustworthy, loving,
faithful Heavenly Father for He, beyond all others, is responsible for my
well-being. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I would be nothing without Him.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">of all people</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">most incredibly </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>blessed.</b></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">Oh give thanks to the Lord, for
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">For His lovingkindness is
everlasting.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">Psalm
107:1</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">I will give thanks to the Lord
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">I will tell of all Your wonders.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">I will be glad and exult in You;<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">I will sing praise to Your name,
O Most High.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">Psalm
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";"><o:p><span style="font-size: large;">Finding blessings from God literally everywhere,</span></o:p></span></div>
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SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-39472954785399420432016-09-04T14:54:00.000-07:002016-09-04T14:56:25.177-07:00One last task...Well, it's done.<br />
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It has finally been completed. </div>
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Well...almost, anyway.</div>
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It was much harder than I ever dreamed it would be. </div>
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It should not have been on my to-do list - not yet!!</div>
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It took more out of me than it should have. But I'm wired oddly, so that's no surprise, I suppose.</div>
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But, once again, with God's help and strength, I've jumped the hurdle. </div>
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I've completed my last task for Michael.</div>
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It feels so...well, final. </div>
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After being dug from a granite quarry in China this past spring, </div>
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after taking the proverbial "slow boat" from said country,</div>
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after <i>finally </i>arriving in the U.S.,</div>
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after being engraved in Chillicothe, and </div>
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after being delivered a little over a week ago to Gardner, KS,</div>
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Michael's gravestone has been set. It was placed on September 1.</div>
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This has been one hugemongous (yes, I know that's not a real word) task. One that daunted me, haunted me for a long while. I wanted so badly to get this right. After all, it felt like the last chance I had to serve him, to care for him in some way. Crazy, I know. But just let me have this one. Don't try to talk me out of my idiosyncrasies. At least not unless you've also traveled this same pathway. If you have, then you're probably just about as crazy as I am! *wry grin*</div>
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My desire has been to honor Michael's life in the design of the stone. </div>
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His life was one of love...love for God was first and foremost, but love for people wasn't far behind. </div>
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He adored his children.</div>
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He loved me. </div>
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He loved everyone he knew. He was always giving of his time and energy to help, encourage, bless, lift, and otherwise touch lives for Jesus. He was patient and forgiving, He was gentle and optimistic. He was cheerful and generous. He didn't have to be in the limelight but loved cheering for those who were there. He was "Jesus with skin on" to so many people. </div>
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Michael's only request for his stone was that these words be included: </div>
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"He loved God and others." </div>
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So I've honored that wish. The rest, he left up to me. </div>
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So how does one honor a person who seemed to live a "bigger than life" life? </div>
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How do you capture all that he was and...carve it on a stone?</div>
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I love the black granite. To me, it is dignified, classy, and unique. Just like Michael.</div>
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I love that it is tall. Just like Michael. He stood tall both physically and spiritually.</div>
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I love the heart. He oozed love wherever he went. </div>
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I love the design on the back. He adored sunsets. He watched them as often as he was able...</div>
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And Isaiah 40:31 was his life verse. </div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">But they that wait upon the </span><span class="small-caps" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> shall renew their strength; </span></i></div>
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He may not have been able to run his last few years here with us, but I'm sure he's running now just because he can! And his spirit? Well, it's got to be soaring higher than those eagles since he has finally met his Jesus! </div>
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You'll notice the vase displays the date of our wedding. Soon, there will be another piece that is about 6" tall and about 2.5' long that will sit just below that vase. The front will say "Parents of: Luanna, Esther, Julianna, and Karson." The back will say "WRIGHT." (This piece will be added sometime in the next couple of weeks or so. There was an engraving mistake that is being corrected.)</div>
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Then, at some future date, the plan is that my stone, matching yet flipped, will be set on the north side (the left in this picture) forming a matching pair, hearts leaning in toward each other, honoring the love we have shared.</div>
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Yes, I know this is different. It's okay. Our family has lived a different life than many. We've made many choices that were different than expected. But I wanted Michael to have his own stone honoring his life while acknowledging the great impact he had on the world that knew him. </div>
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So...there it is. You all have been a part of this journey since its beginning. I figured you might find a sense of closure in being part of the ending as well. </div>
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Maybe no one cares...but I'm pretty sure there are many who do. </div>
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Thank you for carrying us in prayer. </div>
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Thank you for caring enough to check on us all along the way. </div>
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Thank you for being there when we needed to download stressful things - even if you understood not one word of what we shared! </div>
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Thank you for bringing meals, sending so many wonderful cards and notes, writing texts and emails, mowing the lawn, requesting prayer in your churches, cleaning our house or paying for it to be cleaned, caring for the kids, sending sunshine boxes, and otherwise loving our family. </div>
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God used each of you to be His hands and feet to us...He blessed us with knowing you. </div>
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We were and are so grateful. </div>
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I understand that it is a Jewish custom to leave a small pebble or stone on a grave to indicate respect for the deceased and to indicate someone has visited. I think that is neat. So...for those of you that take the time or have interest in stopping by to see the newly placed gravestone, we now have a spot where you could place that stone of remembrance if you wish! </div>
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For the many of you who live too far away to make that quick stop by, I've included the pictures. And I'll be sure to update them when the piece with the names of the children gets put into place. </div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;">Finding Jesus faithful <i>every</i> step of the way,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;">Grateful beyond words for my family and friends,</span></div>
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SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-32164718527280991992016-08-05T16:09:00.002-07:002016-08-06T12:34:21.646-07:00...who just...can't? Here I am.<br />
It's again one of *THOSE DAYS...*<br />
<br />
I'm breathing.<br />
I'm up and dressed.<br />
I even went to lunch with a friend.<br />
But...that's about it.<br />
<br />
The entries on my "before school starts again to-do list" are all screaming at me.<br />
So loudly that I can't pick out just one voice.<br />
When this happens, I find I begin shutting down and I can't...seem...to...stop...it.<br />
<br />
The reasons for this *DAY* are probably layered, multiple, and varied.<br />
<br />
• I worked late last night on an answer to a heavy question asked me by a friend. I want to give a solid and correct answer because she needs that. She doesn't deserve a brush-off, a pat answer. She's seeking truth. So, with prayer, I worked toward that end.<br />
Yesterday, I ate lunch with a friend going through some intensely discouraging life events.<br />
Last week, I did all I could to encourage and lift the spirits of some dear friends who are also facing the fires of trial and tribulation.<br />
Often, after times such as these, times of pouring out for the help (hopefully!) of another, I get smacked upside the head by the devil with a day of depression. I can almost depend on it. I'm not complaining about this aspect for sure! One thing that keeps me somewhat sane is reaching out to others! I can deal with a bit of depression now and again IF I can sense there is a use for me and some good being done along the way.<br />
<br />
• I got a call from the man who is helping me with the stone for Michael's grave. He said the cement slab had been poured yesterday.<br />
I. Don't. Want. To. Do. This.<br />
As much as I want to see Michael's grave marked with this beautiful stone, it's way more difficult to face the finality of this that I had ever before imagined.<br />
I AM probably the only one who feels this sentiment. I'm pretty sure my delay on this has overtaxed the patience of some.<br />
But once this is completed, then what? I want to honor his life in tangible ways. But I'm no "start an awareness charity" or "launch a foundation" kind of gal. The music station was all I had left. Then, that got abruptly shut down. I've not yet gotten the details figured out as to how to restart it. Again, it overehelms me.<br />
<br />
• I feel like a completely inadequate and incompetent mother.<br />
My lunch companion today was a wonderfully kind and sweet gal but she's done way more for and with her kids and her life than I have. And well, that just calls attention to my lack of energy at times, my difficulty finding strength to push hard enough, and the feeling of "lost-ness" that is currently my struggle. Who AM I? No career, no particularly outstanding passion or talent, no dreams I'm working to fulfill. I don't even know what my next steps should be some days. Let alone where my life goals should be taking me.<br />
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• I've recently learned of a situation in which someone is believing ill intent about me and spreading that, coloring people's minds with falsehood. As always, it hurts.<br />
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• I'm pretty solidly in the introvert camp. So there are times when, well, I just shut down until I can re-boot - alone.<br />
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Maybe that's where I am today. Needing a re-boot.<br />
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Maybe I'm just not capable of doing this thing God has called me to.<br />
My kids need wisdom. I feel fresh out.<br />
My kids need direction. I am searching for it myself.<br />
My kids need my energy. I haven't got any today.<br />
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I'm just empty.<br />
I want to help others. But the well is kinda feeling dry today.<br />
I find it challenging to figure out the difference between renewing myself and being, well, lazy.<br />
How hard should I push? When is it okay to stop?<br />
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I. Just. Want. To. Run.<br />
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Then hide.<br />
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It's more than I can do.<br />
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<i>Jesus, help me. </i><br />
<i>Have mercy on me!</i><br />
<i>Be my Guide. </i><br />
<i>If You are asking me to do something in this moment, please please make it clear to me. </i><br />
<i>James says you promise wisdom to those who ask in faith. You know I ask for that pretty much every day, sometimes many times a day! Please don't give up on me! Don't lose patience with this super slow learner! I'm floundering. I'm lost! I'm still finding some days so dark and lonely and on those days I become so afraid! I'm sorry! It's my weakness taking over, I know. You have been so. Incredibly. Faithful. To provide for us financially. To keep us healthy. To surround us with different ones who care and help. But there are some areas where no one can help except You. I'm in one of those places today, Jesus. I really am. It seems that passages of scripture jump to mind when I'm trying to help others, but on these days? Well, I can't seem to find my way out of the cliched wet paper bag. </i><br />
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<i>I feel I've exhausted my close friends with my grief and anxiety. </i><br />
<i>They have their own loads to carry. I don't want to ask them to carry mine, too, especially when it is honestly pretty petty. </i><br />
<i>I SHOULD be able to do this. As blessed and cared for as we have been, I should be in need of little. But my kids need me to step up and be a leader. In a way I've never been before. They need me to continue to push with all my might to keep the family rolling as it should. </i><br />
<i>But I CAN'T do this alone.</i><br />
<i>I HAVE to know You are with me! </i><br />
<i>I NEED Your grace each moment of each day! </i><br />
<i>Thank You for every single time You've rescued me in the past. I know You have no plans to abandon me now. Please help me know what my part is in all of this...help me discover my new role and learn my new responsibilities. I still kinda wish You would have chosen someone else for this task. But since You called me, please please help me find my way...</i><br />
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I am not sure why I am posting all of this here.<br />
But here it is.<br />
I'm not strong.<br />
I'm not heroic.<br />
I'm just me.<br />
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And yet still, Jesus loves me.<br />
And that, my friends, continually amazes me!<br />
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<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-13695919498386089772016-06-20T00:09:00.004-07:002016-06-20T00:12:48.615-07:00...who struggled with Father's Day? Okay. I need to write.<br />
I don't know if anyone will ever read this or not but I don't really care.<br />
My. Heart. Hurts.<br />
<br />
It's Father’s Day 2016.<br />
I'm SUPPOSED to be posting about the amazing Dad my kids have.<br />
I'm SUPPOSED to have some creative gift to present him that he wouldn't really need but that he would ooh and ahh over just because it features his kids’ pictures. <br />
I'm SUPPOSED to be fixing him his favorite after church snack and spending time with him watching the sun set from our patio.<br />
I'm SUPPOSED to be celebrating my husband’s superb fathering today.<br />
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I'm NOT supposed to be here. In the cemetery. By my husband’s grave. Not yet. Not now.<br />
It's just isn't SUPPOSED to look this way.<br />
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A little plane is buzzing the cemetery.<br />
It's a gorgeous evening for flying.<br />
Who knows? Maybe that pilot is one we know.<br />
On this most gorgeous of evenings, we should be walking together...watching the hobby pilots out for their weekend joy rides.<br />
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Instead, I sit here alone. Crying. Wondering just how I can POSSIBLY come close to making up for the hole he left behind. The cataclysmic void looms before me until I can see nothing else.<br />
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My kids need him.<br />
Luanna needs him to guide her through this pitfall-laden dating game she's in.<br />
Esther needs him to nurture her interest in the geeky side of the world.<br />
Julianna needs him to build her confidence in her reading skills and find her place in the family.<br />
Karson needs him to show what the life of a true and Godly gentleman looks like.<br />
<br />
Let's face it. I need him.<br />
I need him.<br />
<br />
I hate parenting solo.<br />
And before you go all “you're not alone! God is a father to the fatherless and a husband to the widow” on me, please remember that I believe that with all my heart.<br />
But emotions don't always follow. (Please – NO disrespect is meant by this. At ALL. God has taken very VERY good care of us. I am blessed.)<br />
<br />
But God doesn't fix my stubbornly cranky computers or put the Holiness Music station back online. God doesn't mow my yard or order rock for my newest landscape project. God has yet to go grocery shopping for me or call the plumber when that plugged toilet is beyond my handy-man skills.<br />
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Which plumber do I call? What should the weekly grocery budget be?<br />
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I feel alone...<br />
...Guilty for detracting from everyone else's Father's Day happiness, and so alone.<br />
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God isn't here mediating squabbles between littles nor telling the teens how much money they can spend when they hit the mall. God isn't here to back me up when I lay down rules that kiddos don't really like.<br />
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So I feel alone.<br />
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When my oldest does what is super normal for college aged girls and gets a guy friend, God isn't here to remind her how to behave and dress and respect herself and teach her how guys see gals...<br />
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It's just me.<br />
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And moms aren't nearly as scary as dads.<br />
<br />
So I feel alone.<br />
<br />
I don't know how to plan a vacation very well! I'm not good at those sorts of things!<br />
I have no idea how to go about choosing plants and designs and rocks for the landscaping.<br />
I am not bold enough to help Luanna find one more part time job for the summer…<br />
<br />
I feel so alone.<br />
<br />
Then my daughter gets super stressed because her guy will be basically out of touch for a few days because of a friend’s wedding. Oh dear. Oh my. The tragedy.<br />
<br />
I want to cry.<br />
I feel so alone.<br />
<br />
I Have. No. Best. Friend. Anymore.<br />
No one checking in with me to see how I’m really doing.<br />
No one to say I looked really nice today.<br />
No one to comment on my favorite perfume.<br />
No one to help me iron out the quirks in my stab at a new blogger template.<br />
No one to hold me close when I'm hurting so deeply words can't express it.<br />
No one to rub the spasm out of my shoulder.<br />
No one to text that their favorite coffee is on sale this week.<br />
No one to tell when I discover something has changed in our community.<br />
No one to make sure I get home safely from my evening’s two mile walk home from the cemetery….<br />
<br />
.....no one except my kids.<br />
<br />
Karson volunteered to rub my shoulders and put lotion on my feet tonight.<br />
Luanna waited around upstairs until I made it home from the walk.<br />
Julie filled out her Sunday School Father’s Day card project with a sweet message for me.<br />
Esther made me laugh again with her amazingly clever and spontaneous sense of humor.<br />
And they saved me some pizza.<br />
<br />
Tonight my kids unknowingly reminded me that they care about me.<br />
They have no idea what it means to me.<br />
Their love might not look like Michael’s love for me, but it's real all the same.<br />
<br />
And as they grow and change and meet new challenges, they will miss their father in various ways. Today might have been a molehill and there may still be grief mountains ahead for them. Maybe when those moments come, I'll be ready to show them how much I care for them.<br />
<br />
I'll never ever be their dad or even anything like him.<br />
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But I can be a loving mom.<br />
And I don't have to feel quite so lonely any more.<br />
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<br />SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-42053412297017289832016-02-14T20:30:00.001-08:002016-02-14T20:30:26.182-08:00...celebrating love in a different way this year?<h3>
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Valentine’s Day. </span></h3>
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A “Hallmark holiday” centered around <span style="color: #cc0000;">kisses, hugs, adorable stuffed
animals, roses, and sappy cards. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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A day full of expectations for that perfect and ideally romantic
gift. <o:p></o:p></div>
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A day for which reservations have been made, proposals have
been planned, and poetry has been written.<o:p></o:p></div>
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A day created to celebrate that most cherished emotion…<span style="color: #cc0000;">LOVE</span>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s a time when young loves express their fervent passion
for each other and make rash promises about unknown futures.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s a time when married couples refocus on what is precious
and special in their relationship…and remember why they fell in love in the
first place. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s a time to <span style="color: #cc0000;">cherish</span> another and to <span style="color: #cc0000;">be cherished</span>. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I celebrate this. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I can’t say the day has been without painful twinges. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It would be easy for me to expend energy on that line of
thought, <o:p></o:p></div>
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but I am choosing to celebrate. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I choose to celebrate that I have cherished and have been
cherished. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I choose to celebrate that I have had many Valentine’s Day
celebrations with one amazing man…one who treated me with respect and honor,
one whom I shall always remember as <span style="color: #cc0000;">my true love</span>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Today I celebrate that <span style="color: #cc0000;">love</span>!<o:p></o:p></div>
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He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> me enough to provide for me – financially,
emotionally, spiritually.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved </span>me enough to manage our family affairs wisely.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> me enough to spend carefully and save consistently.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> me enough to buy that life insurance and prepare
that will.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> me enough to document all account information in
one protected location.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> me enough to patiently teach me much about running
a household.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> me enough to plan for a future that did not include
himself.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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He also <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> others.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> others enough to invest in their hearts and lives. <o:p></o:p></div>
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He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> others enough to spend time showing he cared.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> others enough to express specific appreciation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> others enough to bless them with financial gifts. <o:p></o:p></div>
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He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> others enough to say so…and brighten their days.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Today I celebrate his <span style="color: #cc0000;">love</span> for his children!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> his children enough to make church, revivals, and
camp meetings a priority.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> his children enough to work hard to provide for all
their needs.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> his children enough to focus on building good
relationships with each of them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> his children enough to compliment them regularly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> his children enough to say so…often, and with much
conviction.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> his children enough to fight with all his might against
the invasion of cancer.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> his children enough to leave them with a legacy of patience,
trust, and faithful submission to God through times of trial.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He <span style="color: #cc0000;">loved</span> his children enough to point them Heavenward with
every fiber of his being.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He left us all a wonderful example of being God's feet and hands with <span style="color: #cc0000;">love</span>...<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, on this Valentine’s Day, 2016, as the glories of a week <span style="color: #3d85c6;"><a href="http://feaministries.org/camp/service-schedule/" target="_blank">focused on God</a> </span>comes to a close,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I rest contentedly in God's perfect <span style="color: #cc0000;">love</span> for me in this moment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I treasure the memories of my earthly true <span style="color: #cc0000;">love</span>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I treasure the <span style="color: #cc0000;">love</span> of my children.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I resolve to show more Christ-like <span style="color: #cc0000;">love</span> to those same
children.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because if I speak eloquently to large crowds or testify
boldly in church<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
but do not show I care about my children’s scraped knees or
broken hearts,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am as useless to them as a cell phone with no service...<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If I claim to be an expert in parenting and all things
spiritual training, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and if I put myself forward as some sort of super-Christian<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
but yet do not take time to push my child’s swing or make her
birthday special, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve completely failed Parenting 101.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And if I give generously to missions and tithe regularly<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
but my children hear me griping or complaining about doing
so,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and if I volunteer my time just so I can brag about it on
Facebook<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
but my children can’t get my attention for homework help,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
my words about loving God will fall on hardened heart-soil.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love is patiently explaining that math concept for the
thousandth time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love is gently carrying a sixty pound sleeping child to bed
after having soothed away a nightmare.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love is watching my child outshine me…and being totally okay
with that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love is NOT trying to be someone I’m not to someone who
doesn’t really need me, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>nor is it parading
my story of widowhood in order to gain attention.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love speaks kindly to that frustrated teenager, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>doesn’t
complain if “me” time gets interrupted<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>doesn’t
keep track of how many times MY favorite pen gets used up, MY candy </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
gets eaten,
or MY feelings get hurt…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love finds absolutely NO satisfaction in the disappointing
behavior or ill-advised decisions of my children, but instead rejoices greatly
in seeing those children learn to walk in God’s truth!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love endures puke-clean up and toilet duty, becomes the
children’s biggest fan, intercedes diligently with hope for their future, waits
with patience for them to find their way.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Love</span>…a father's love...a mother’s love…<span style="color: #cc0000;">Christ’s love</span>…never ends…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ76bZLD0nf08e3PhPg7LVKjNpiOMbn4WOxMzrBx-ZU13R7xWG0s28hKKIv1mjh-KNFEPfJWQEAuzz_Eb_epwsPBpNsCXFfFKqBtc1OsAlp-Ep4mkPxZyRHKU21yam9DdNZuLLtnIz8tY/s1600/IMG_5864.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ76bZLD0nf08e3PhPg7LVKjNpiOMbn4WOxMzrBx-ZU13R7xWG0s28hKKIv1mjh-KNFEPfJWQEAuzz_Eb_epwsPBpNsCXFfFKqBtc1OsAlp-Ep4mkPxZyRHKU21yam9DdNZuLLtnIz8tY/s640/IMG_5864.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: x-large;">Daily learning more about love in action,</span></h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPzYdV-n5shnRlfjZKJbxEs3r6G2QStPgjcPEbxkrZ0ZJjdQnXzrA6b_V6rGMSj7XHIfXVQ2YmKYcJVTMm_nDg9ssU_eAmw_QzgvhVaSpNvy6eF0QqWs9w6Jq4KV0Pl5fd3G2jV8QAJsw/s1600/Signature.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="117" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPzYdV-n5shnRlfjZKJbxEs3r6G2QStPgjcPEbxkrZ0ZJjdQnXzrA6b_V6rGMSj7XHIfXVQ2YmKYcJVTMm_nDg9ssU_eAmw_QzgvhVaSpNvy6eF0QqWs9w6Jq4KV0Pl5fd3G2jV8QAJsw/s320/Signature.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-48989582037202360042016-01-14T22:02:00.002-08:002016-01-14T22:08:21.125-08:00untitled I should probably write something.<br />
It should be profound.<br />
It should be interesting and maybe even slightly sensational.<br />
After all, aren't we all somehow oddly drawn to reading about other people's pain?<br />
<br />
It should be somehow inspirational.<br />
After all, everything Michael wrote inspired everybody and his writings are greatly missed!<br />
<br />
It should be spiritual.<br />
Somehow that would give the blog worth and value and lend it an air of credibility...or something.<br />
<br />
But I can't do it.<br />
Not today.<br />
Not on this memory-laden, emotion-packed, panic-laced, depression-inducing day.<br />
<br />
It was on this day two years ago that Michael left this very place where I am sitting for the very last time. It was on this day that my children huddled on the couch as we watched him being carefully eased onto a stretcher and strapped on in a way that brought him much pain. It was on this day that he saw this living room for the last time. It was on this day that I felt like the cancer had won. I had cried so much....I was so afraid. They told us it was a temporary visit to the hospice house. Just to get him some pain management tools that he could bring back home. They didn't know. I don't blame anyone. It just was what it was....nearly time for Michael's earthly journey to come to an end.<br />
<br />
I've fought panic and intense emotion all day today. And now it's quiet and I sit...and memories swirl over and around me. I think about what he might have felt that night....and what my children must have felt. I know what I felt.<br />
<br />
And I have nothing else to say other than....<br />
<br />
It. Still. Hurts.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSThd02tbtfCH5Cj_z7BDXOX8pzI0tRgdG7R5kkzbkH6PB4DFnixoyTyQ47TGG0hsvT-D7qZmhyEC3jnDR3-NbVQkUGgVX9Sr3MrG9ZSeSJU5_mPqN7UwA-0OFP2xJ5jdc6SokO8GXGYw/s1600/IMG_1631.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSThd02tbtfCH5Cj_z7BDXOX8pzI0tRgdG7R5kkzbkH6PB4DFnixoyTyQ47TGG0hsvT-D7qZmhyEC3jnDR3-NbVQkUGgVX9Sr3MrG9ZSeSJU5_mPqN7UwA-0OFP2xJ5jdc6SokO8GXGYw/s320/IMG_1631.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-278572712404210852015-12-27T00:33:00.002-08:002015-12-27T00:52:32.774-08:00An article I wroteI am posting here a copy of an article I wrote recently for a church publication. I wasn't sure how to share the publication itself, but I wanted the followers of our family's story to have a chance to read this synopsis of the whole ordeal. So, without further explanation, and in order to avoid the temptation to apologize too much, here is the article as printed in the December issue of "Pilgrim News and Notes."<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">“For
unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be
upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The
mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.”</span></i><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Isaiah 9:6<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Christmas.</i> The
word itself evokes brightly colored memories of times gone by…most of them
centered around family, most of them precious. Along with these memories come
many emotions…some good, some difficult. Our family’s Christmases have been a
bit different these past few years. And we now have much compassion for those
whose holidays are not so bright. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Christmas 2009 for the Michael Wright family is one I barely
remember. But I’m sure it went as so many others had. Michael absolutely adored
Christmas, as did our four children. I also enjoyed many aspects of the season,
but the extra tasks involved with planning the church Christmas program, trying
so hard to find the perfect gift for each of the family members, and getting
the decorations up often felt a tad overwhelming. As always, though, the
overall sense of the season was awe…that the Mighty God of the universe wrapped
His Son in the form of a human baby as a gift to THIS world! His gift meant
salvation for us…for me!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Christmas 2010 for our family was extremely different from
the year before. You see, that year was the year of the borrowed home, boxes
everywhere, few decorations, and tentative hope. In March of that year our
lives changed drastically. That was when Michael lost his entire right leg to
the cancer that had stolen unnoticed into his body. Then there was torturous
high-dose chemotherapy through the summer that sucked away his remaining physical
resources. Without the presence of any more visible cancer, we chose to stop
that chemo, and by Christmas, Michael was feeling fairly decent. He had
adjusted well to life with one leg. He was even working on learning to use a
prosthesis. And we had hope…hope that the cancer <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wouldn’t</i> come back in Michael’s case…hope that maybe what seemed to
be a tragic situation would just prove to be a hill rather than a mountain to
climb. Meanwhile, Michael, being true to form, had decided he was not going to
waste his cancer. His acceptance of the new life path and his reliance on God’s
goodness put him in a unique position to minister to so many who watched him,
prayed, and read his updates. And that Christmas, we experienced God carrying
us and caring for us through a myriad of people in just as many ways! God
demonstrated just how a Father cares for His child…He was “Everlasting Father”
to us that year and in those to follow.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Christmas 2011 found us enjoying decorating our lovely new
home! I often think of it as the “house that God built” as there were so many
ways in which God manifested Himself throughout the process! We had moved into
it in January, we had a wonderful house dedication celebration in March (on the
one-year anniversary of the day that changed our life plan), and then in April,
we discovered that cancer <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">had </i>returned…in
Michael’s lungs. It was difficult news to hear. But, as had become
characteristic of Michael, he accepted the news, processed it, chose a course
of action, and then lived life to the fullest every chance he was afforded! We
began high-dose vitamin C treatments alongside heavy chemotherapy that summer.
In working with a different medical group, Michael met more people and touched
more lives with his amazing attitude toward this trial. Some found it difficult
to believe that he wasn’t on antidepressants! He used every chance he had to
brag on God and His steady help and strength. So that Christmas was one of new
experiences again…and a growing awareness that this journey was NOT yet over
but in some ways was just beginning. Even on the darkest of days that year,
though, Michael knew…we ALL knew that we served a “Wonderful” God Who never
once failed us nor abandoned us! <o:p></o:p></div>
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Christmas 2012 was as “normal” as we could make it in the
middle of treatments under a specialist in St. Louis. These treatments included
different courses of chemotherapy with differing results, and in October of
that year, the doctors extended Michael’s time on earth significantly with a
terrifying yet effective freezing procedure. This procedure removed some of the
most dangerous tumors in Michael’s right lung, but also resulted in a painful
collapse of that lung. After the difficult recovery he experienced, we went
back to working with chemo options. Through all of this, Michael continued
working pretty close to full time. Obviously during hospital stays he did not
go in, but in and around chemo days he stayed faithful to his job. And in turn,
his employers were amazing to us sending us on a vacation, helping us move
twice, being generous with sick days, bringing us meals, etc. God truly used
that company to be a blessing to us!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Another blessing was Angel Flights Central. The wonderful pilots in this
organization made many of Michael’s fifty trips to Saint Louis much easier and
quicker allowing him more family time. But as Christmas of 2012 arrived, we
knew we were fighting with a beast that could not be conquered through sheer
will no matter how many folks were “will-ing” it. Michael had long since
accepted the fact that the cancer would take his life. But he didn’t do so with
a sense of despair. He instead used it as a springboard for a unique ministry,
constantly encouraging and inspiring others through his update emails. He had a
deep peace about his situation granted to him by the “Prince of Peace” Himself.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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Throughout the Christmas season of 2013, we truly found
Jesus to be our All in All. We buried ourselves in Him. We clung to Him. And He
was faithful! From experimental chemo drugs to continuing high-dose vitamin C
treatments, from brain surgery to cyberknife radiation, from a spine tumor
causing extreme nerve pain to several ER trips and hospital stays, God was with
us. Time and space fail me in recounting the ways in which He distinctly showed
up! Michael remained submitted to the Lord’s plan and guidance and continued to
touch lives. From CT scan technicians to doctors, from family members to
neighbors, from store clerks to librarians, from co-workers to clients, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anyone</i> who knew our story knew God was
at work and carrying us! What a legacy Michael left for our children who
witnessed all of this firsthand! The devil fought HARD for our family. He hit
Michael with the cancer, blasted me with depression and panic attacks,
endeavored to undermine our marriage, and even bullied our oldest daughter…but
he didn’t win! God remained “Mighty God” and pulled us through the fiery darts
to safety! The year of 2013 brought us much heartache and difficulty, the worst
being the knowledge that this Christmas would be Michael’s last on earth. In
fact, as the day approached, many of us were unsure he would even make it that
long. But God was with us when a hospice hospital bed became part of our living
room décor on December 9. God was with us as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">many</i> precious people took time to come and tell Michael how much
they loved him and what a difference he made in their lives. God was with us as
family and friends surrounded Michael’s bed and sang the Christmas carols he so
loved. God was with us as prayers were prayed over Michael and for him. God was
with us as we adjusted our family celebrations to Michael’s needs. The “Prince
of Peace” continued bringing peace to our hearts as we slowly began to say our
goodbyes. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Those final goodbyes were said on January 16, 2014. As
Michael’s family surrounded him in the hospice house, and as his favorite hymn
was sung, he finally broke the last of the bonds that held him fast and he took
his last Angel Flight. The right lung that no longer functioned because it had
been overtaken by tumors was no longer needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The bones that had been eaten away by cancer no longer caused pain.
Michael walked with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">two </i>legs on golden
streets breathing freely of celestial air! His faithfulness to trust God and to
hold steady and strong was rewarded with a joyous “Well done, thou good and
faithful servant…enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Christmas 2014. Remember how I said the rush of Christmas
responsibilities often overwhelmed me a tad? Well, that was nothing compared to
the Christmas of 2014. Even though I knew all about the faithfulness of God,
and even though I trusted in His provision completely, grief took over and haunted
my days making the entire season from Thanksgiving until the one-year mark
(January of 2015) dark, difficult, and full of depression. I prayed often that
God would have mercy on my soul and just help me survive one more day. I was
determined to do my best to continue living the best I could for my children’s
sakes until I could somehow feel alive again. So I did the Christmas
routine…the shopping (online as much as possible), the church program
(completely a God-subsidized endeavor), the decorating (it felt so inane…so
purposeless), the gift-giving (who needs stuff when your husband is missing?).
I just ached for the light in my soul to come on again. But in and through all
of this, I had a deep abiding sense that even then, Jesus was with me. He became
my closest “Counsellor” – He helped me make decisions when I couldn’t push past
the brain fog. He was “Everlasting Father” to the children – He provided for
them in so many ways, including special gifts from many people. Jesus was my
“Prince of Peace” – even when I was drowning in pain and grief, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">knew</i> He was with me and would sustain
me. He was “Wonderful” in every way He ever promised He would be! And He
brought brief moments of joy back into our Christmas of 2014.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So, what does Christmas of 2015 hold for our family? Well,
we greatly anticipate the homecoming of my oldest daughter! She’s been
attending Hobe Sound Bible College since August, and we are anxious to hug her
neck!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God has been with her and granted
her help and strength and brought her through some challenges to conquer this
first semester away from home. I have a feeling the strength and courage her
daddy exhibited has contributed largely to her success as well. The rest of us
are planning Christmas as “usual,” whatever <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i>
means! The season remains a bit difficult in that there is a distinct hole
where Michael is supposed to be. Our hearts ache to hear his laugh as he shared
his enjoyment of the holiday. So many of our plans used to revolve around him.
Many activities trigger memory rushes that at times cause yet another flow of
tears. But the light is back on…it’s not shining its brightest yet, but it’s
back on. And I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that during this Christmas,
just like all the others, we will remain aware of God’s Presence. We will
experience this celebration of His birth with hearts <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">full</i> of gratefulness for all He has done and is doing in our lives!
May you also find Him near and real and present throughout the season! Merry
Christmas!<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<br />
Thank you for faithfully reading my blog and for praying for our family over the past few years. Only in Heaven will you fully understand the value of each of those prayers. Thank you for caring and for continuing to let us know! I pray you had a wonderful Christmas and that your 2016 is packed full to overflowing with amazing memory-making moments! May God go with you and grant you Peace!<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTLknSebE7oLwANvBY7iVwLDOu4-kOqeYXfVBnigHTWq__Nxbz7xmIDZh_X9plMLAFHGxgLwmyeyonEubXPlZoPUpBa2XhqgpC0kfm_w-ZFJmkIetJTRM4nZ5cQCWw88UY5MJ0gdMk9f0/s1600/12376760_10154511408202178_1279815664471601764_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTLknSebE7oLwANvBY7iVwLDOu4-kOqeYXfVBnigHTWq__Nxbz7xmIDZh_X9plMLAFHGxgLwmyeyonEubXPlZoPUpBa2XhqgpC0kfm_w-ZFJmkIetJTRM4nZ5cQCWw88UY5MJ0gdMk9f0/s400/12376760_10154511408202178_1279815664471601764_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;">Celebrating Jesus and the greatest gift ever given,</span></h3>
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SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-64981629444400317092015-11-19T23:30:00.000-08:002015-12-27T00:28:01.575-08:00...who colors?I write often about the pits and gullies that litter this
pathway I’ve been called to travel.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I have not yet included is a post about the methods I often
use to get out of them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, pits happen. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I can’t stay. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They are muddy and dark and messy and damp with tears.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They are full of fear and confusion.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They pull me away from my God-given role in my family.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They pull me away from ministry of any sort.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They try to pull me away from God.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t stay.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I must move forward. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Forward, through, and eventually out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, while I’m still learning, and I’m not educated in such
things, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
here are some things that I find
helpful in getting out of those “pits” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
of despondency and
despair…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>I mow the lawn.<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wait. Mow my lawn?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Doesn’t make a lot of sense on the surface, does it? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, besides the obvious fact that the task comes around
about once a week, there are some other reasons why I choose this activity on
the BLAH days. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It forces me to move. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When in a slump, I don’t WANNA!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I have found, just like the experts say (yeah, yeah,
don’t pat yourself on the back too hard…you might break your arm), that getting
some exercise can be helpful when fighting depression. And since the efficacy
of the solution does not seem to hinge upon the cause of the problem, I’ve
found it to work quite nicely for grief-induced depression. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love doing things that result in bringing order from
chaos, tidy from messy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It brings back a teensy bit of control to my topsy-turvy
world. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Besides, mowing provides a great time to pray.<o:p></o:p><br />
And being outside just...well, it fixes things somehow.<br />
As I spend time there, I find I can believe again that God is so much bigger<br />
than my tiny problems.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But sometimes the lawn doesn’t need mowing. So…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>I color.<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or do my grown-up dot-to-dot pages. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nope. I’m <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">not</b>
forty-something going on four.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Again, it’s an act of bringing beauty and order back into my
world. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Plus, being creative in some way totally ranks as top of the
chart in therapeutic value.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The point is finding SOMETHING creative to do. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One week, it was a photo shoot for a friend.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another week it might be trying to improve my painting
skills.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next it might be a floral arrangement to be given as a
gift. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I prefer things that don’t require lots of stressful
decision making</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
or slurp up all the energy I have left.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Creating something beautiful oozes peace to my heart and
soul.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But there are times when my well of creativity is bone dry.
So…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>I play the piano.<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The songs I play demand my interaction with the words and
music. I can sometimes dismiss when just listening…thus sometimes actually playing
them on the piano helps me focus on this source of encouragement and uplift.
The tried and true songs of our faith bring comfort, healing, direction, and
peace to a bruised and weary soul. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once again, I refer to that whole “chart of therapeutic
value” (I’m SURE there’s one out there somewhere…) – you’ll find music at the
top, too!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoTitle">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And youre good at it</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(I left my computer for a few moments while working on this
post, and I returned to find the above statement had been added by some sneaky
little person in my house. I thought it was sweet, so I left it! As is!) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes listening to music as performed by others does the
trick. There are some go-to songs to which I have returned again and again for
comfort and encouragement. Many of those songs are played on the <a href="http://www.holinessmusic.com/" target="_blank">internet radio station</a> which my husband began ten years ago. There is a sense of peace that
accompanies this music as it winds its way through my household…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is one such song for your encouragement today!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>All the way my Savior leads me,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>What have I to ask beside?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Can I doubt His tender mercy,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Who through life has been my Guide?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Here by faith in Him to dwell!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>For I know, whate’er befall me,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Jesus doeth all things well;<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>For I know, whate’er befall me,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Jesus doeth all things well.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>All the way my Savior leads me,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Cheers each winding path I tread,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Gives me grace for every trial,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Feeds me with the living Bread.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Though my weary steps may falter<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>And my soul athirst may be,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Gushing from the Rock before me,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Lo! A spring of joy I see;<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Gushing from the Rock before me,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Lo! A spring of joy I see.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>All the way my Savior leads me,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Oh, the fullness of His love!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Perfect rest to me is promised<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>In my Father’s house above.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>When my spirit, clothed immortal,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Wings its flight to realms of day<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>This my song through endless ages:<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Jesus led me all the way;<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>This my song through endless ages:<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Jesus led me all the way.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">~~ Fanny Crosby</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But there are times I need more than just the music. So…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>I look for the
light.</u></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Literally. And now that it’s pitch dark even before our
supper is on the table, that light is harder and harder to find. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today happened to be one of “those days” – again. So this
afternoon as I answered kid homework questions, I sat right by my full-glass storm door on the floor…in the light and warmth of the sun. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Sunsets work here, too. Yes, even though sunsets are a time of waning rather than waxing, the beauty of a sunset is in its light and color. Plus, they bring God and His wondrous power back into sharp focus.<br />
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<br />
Crazy as it may seem in light of the current discussion on light, stars are pretty amazing perspective adjusters, too.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It happens to be a well-known fact (well, at least in some
circles) that light is a mood lifter and a help in defeating the monster of
depression. So as much as I like the cozy feeling that rainy days bring with
them, I dread the gloom I fight when the sun hides behind the gray…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes the only light to be found is artificial. So…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>I text or message
a friend.</u></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And not for the reason you are thinking right now. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No, really, it’s not. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay, well, maybe KINDA for that reason.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You see, though I pretty much hate the phone on “those
days” and would frankly much rather become a hermit (or “hermitess” – is that even a
word??), I find that I usually <i>need</i> to reach out and touch (and yes, the pun was intended! ;-) ) at least one person in order to conquer the dark.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I am usually not brave enough to use the phone. So I
find that texting and messaging works well because I can be sobbing my way
through a text and no one is the wiser. It allows me to communicate when and
how I’m ready to do so. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But back to the reason for the texts/messages in the first
place. I have found that one surefire way to find my way back to the top is
to help someone else. There are sooooo many people going through tough times
that it’s usually pretty simple to find someone needing encouragement. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This step sometimes morphs into the form of a chat with a hurting neighbor or a card in the mail. It could also look a little bit like a <span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">text or Facebook message to ask a friend how she is
coping with her day’s stresses or fighting the demon of depression.</span><br />
<br />
Sometimes it’s well-nigh unto impossible for me to put forth
that first effort.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But once I do, I find my focus turning outward once again
and the inner pressure beginning to release just a bit. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, yeah, I guess it’s a little bit because it helps me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But it’s NOT just for the purpose of unloading although I do
have some wonderfully patient friends who are always brave enough to listen
when I need them. That happens sometimes, too. And those times are okay. I just
don’t want to get stuck too long with the focus on myself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(Note: If you’ve ever gotten a message of encouragement or
promise of prayer from me please, please, PLEASE know that I ALWAYS mean every
word I say and it comes from a heart of honestly caring about you! My heart is
often overwhelmed with the pain of so many good folks I know… My notes are sent
with that pain in mind. In fact, sometimes it’s the most difficult thing I do
that day because the devil works overtime to keep me stuck in my own teensy
world of pain.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But sometimes it’s late and few are still awake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>I take the blame.</u></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yeah, I know. If you were sitting here beside me, you’d
probably say “No way! You didn’t ask for this!” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And you’d be exactly right. But that’s not what I mean. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mean I understand that this darkness isn’t my children's fault.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s easy slip into lashing out at my sweet kiddos and for a
moment pretend that their immaturity or thoughtlessness is the reason I’m upset
or frustrated. But I know that’s not true. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I frequently let my kids know their actions are not causing mom’s "issues."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nor is it <i>caused</i> by my circumstances.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
More time and energy isn't the solution.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A new outfit won't fix anything. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Neither would getting Michael back. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know this is beyond all of that. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am caught in the crosshairs of a spiritual battle for the control of my mind and emotions. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Satan spins them toward darkness. Jesus urges me toward
trust and rest. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Satan tempts with excuses for self-focus. Jesus asks for
sacrifice of time and energy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Satan offers a slippery slope of apathy. Jesus presents me
with an uphill climb. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Satan rewards with more darkness and bondage. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jesus
rewards with peace and renewed mercies.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all know where Satan will find his forever home.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And we know where Jesus currently resides, not to mention my
sweet Michael. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The decision is mine. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The way seems clear, though not easy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The
battle is well worth fighting. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But sometimes I just have no fight left. So…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>I accept my
limitations.</u></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I cannot – I repeat CANNOT do this on my own. As much as I
might long to “have it all together” and be perceived as the “perfect Christian,”
I know exactly how weak and feeble I am. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I know how seriously dependent I
am upon the care and prayers of others, but most of all, on the</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><u>amazing</u></i>, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> all-sufficient</span></b>, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> always-available</span></i>, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><b> ample</b></span> supply of God’s grace! </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s what gets my feet on the floor in the morning!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s what helps me find that last tiny shred of patience to
offer a trying situation!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s what allows me to laugh heartily on a regular basis!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s what pulls me out of the pit of despair when all else
fails!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s what lights my way and puts a song back into my heart!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s what puts color in my world and brings order from
chaos!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And best of all, it’s not just there for me. It’s for you,
too. It’s free for the asking and oh, so effective!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I truly grasp this, accept that some days will just
stink, rest in Jesus, and remember that the sun WILL shine again tomorrow, I find I <i>can</i> make
it…even through the toughest and darkest of times.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For during those times, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God. Is. There. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Beside me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>In</i> and <i>through</i> the pain.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so are many of you. Thank you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You’ll not know this side of heaven how much of a difference
you have made in my life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Honestly.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Connecting the dots on paper and in life,</span></h2>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfEJt2RpC3hJhrUnAXRDHy0zNKStLGoF8lJQGGh4CHnXuJmWcXLzVXaHK79L9RHEHmNoyVCmPafFL4QXALM0y8HciVke8p6nfkL4NjSRzJHHQRp5du0_YWuMRqq76q6VS8CyzjjUnMvDc/s1600/Signature.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="91" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfEJt2RpC3hJhrUnAXRDHy0zNKStLGoF8lJQGGh4CHnXuJmWcXLzVXaHK79L9RHEHmNoyVCmPafFL4QXALM0y8HciVke8p6nfkL4NjSRzJHHQRp5du0_YWuMRqq76q6VS8CyzjjUnMvDc/s320/Signature.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">~~ Isaiah 41:10</span></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-87804000544941535672015-09-17T23:30:00.000-07:002015-09-18T00:05:14.555-07:00..who has broken days?<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
Sooooo….it’s happened again. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
Another “help!-I’m-falling-apart-and-I-can’t-stop-it” kind of day.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
Wait. Make that two days.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
What caused it this time? </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
Who knows? </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
It could have been the fact that yesterday was the 16th of the month. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>(For a refresher on why the 16th might be a trigger, you can read <a href="http://shawnawright.blogspot.com/2014/01/whose-heart-has-been-broken-in-two.html" target="_blank">this post</a>.)</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
It could have been the fact that I’ve been sorting through old files on the computer, and</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> some </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">brought back old and painful memories.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
It could have been the fact that I’ve been trying to figure out some special projects using <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Michael’s old shirts and jeans. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I still hate the thought of cutting into them. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I am not sure I want anyone else doing it either.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Making these items might be something I <i>need</i> to do…a part of the journey</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
somehow…</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
It could have been because I did something recently and felt good about it…</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>and I really, really wanted to share my accomplishment with Michael. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Sharing with anyone else just isn’t the same. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
It could have been because I’m feeling like the lone male in my house is finding it difficult</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
to <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">remember that mom is still the “Boss” even though she’s a member of the “weaker</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
sex.”</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I guess I’m not scary when I’m crying while folding laundry………..</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
It could have been because the TASKS for which I’m responsible have piled up. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>And THEY are screaming at me VERY LOUDLY. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>And I’m at a point where I would much rather check out. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>And when I do, THEY get that much scarier. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>And there is no one here to tell me when it’s okay to quit and take a break, or to</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>encourage and push me to keep going when I need to.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
It could have been that being around extremely talented people (as I was recently) causes me to question…</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Exactly <i>who</i> am I? </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>What am I doing to contribute to the greater good of society?</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>How is cleaning my kitchen floor even CLOSE to being “important” to the world at</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
large?</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Do I have even one bloomin’ skill of value to offer anyone? To God? </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>If I do, what is it? </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Should I do it?</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Would I lose my tentative hold on sanity if I did?</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Who AM I kidding? </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<b>Yeah. So THOSE thoughts and emotions turn into days where my brain goes like this:</b></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><i>“Ugh. </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I can’t move…the weight on my heart is intense.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I have to do this day?</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I have to breathe? And feel? And interact? </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i>“Where is my phone? </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i>Why does it matter? </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i>The world does just fine on its own. </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i>It doesn’t need my two cents to keep it turning.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>“Seriously? </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I honestly thought this kid KNEW this just yesterday!!”</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I can’t seem to find a single ounce of creativity for helping her today….</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Any “good teacher” in me left before sunrise…</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I can’t stand the thought of talking to anyone outside this house. </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>But I’m so lonely I could burst. </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I want to share how I feel today with someone.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>But it takes entirely too much energy to formulate the words.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Everyone is exhausted with hearing it anyway…</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>My heart aches.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Tears flow. Often.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>And it’s difficult to stop them.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i>“This kitchen floor is INCREDIBLY sticky!!</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i>That laundry needs folded!</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i>I don’t care. </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>“There is NO WAY I can let this go! </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I can’t STAND it this way a moment longer!</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>NO ONE can see this….absolutely no one….</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I HAVE to get this place cleaned up!</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"><i> </i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>“But I can’t.” </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Other tasks take precedence. </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I become dazed as I think of all I SHOULD be doing in this moment…</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>And I check out.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>It’s a coping mechanism, I know.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I have plans to return to my reality…soon.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>For now, I must breathe. </i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Tears come again.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Unintentionally sharp words fly out of my mouth toward a child.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The stress has overcome me. </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I now carry the guilt of Mom-failure like blocks of concrete on my chest.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>“Can’t Michael PLEASE come back and do this WITH me??</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>“I need Jesus today.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>There are SO many good people hurting so deeply today.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>They need Him much more than I do.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>He HAS to be weary with my constant pulling on Him……</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i>“How many more days like this will there be? </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i>“Where is Michael, anyway? Sitting with the Apostle Paul? With Jesus?</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i>What is he doing? Singing? Walking? Exploring new sights? </i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>“Why? Why did HE get chosen for such a glorious early dismissal from class?</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I must have flunked the quiz that got him the passing grade. </i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Because he’s there, and I’m here.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i>“And I’m pretty sure I’m still flunking Single-Parenting 101.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i>I’m definitely flunking Geek school. I can’t make this computer do what I need it to do!!!</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<i>Health class? Um…..let’s just say there’s been more fast food fed to my family than I’d care to admit.”</i></div>
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<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
And that’s all in about the first, um, couple of hours or so of the day……….</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<b>Nope. I CAN’T do this day.</b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
So I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have to.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
Because Jesus promised He would be here <i>with</i> me in this day. </div>
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<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
He promised to “do” this day <b><i>for</i></b> me if I lean on Him.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
I don’t always remember this when I should.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>But it’s true, nonetheless.</div>
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<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(50, 51, 51); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #323333; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Day by day, and with each passing moment,</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Strength I find to meet my trials here;</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,</span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(50, 51, 51); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #323333; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.</span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(50, 51, 51); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #323333; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,</span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(50, 51, 51); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #323333; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Gives unto each day what He deems best,</span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(50, 51, 51); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #323333; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,</span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(50, 51, 51); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #323333; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Mingling toil with peace and rest.</span></i></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(50, 51, 51); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #323333; text-align: center;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Every day the Lord Himself is near me,</span></i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(50, 51, 51); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #323333; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">With a special mercy for each hour;</span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(50, 51, 51); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #323333; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">All my cares He <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fain?s=t" target="_blank">fain</a> would bear and cheer me,</span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(50, 51, 51); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #323333; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He whose name is Counsellor and Pow’r.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The protection of His child and treasure</span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(50, 51, 51); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #323333; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Is a charge that on Himself He laid;</span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(50, 51, 51); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #323333; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”</span></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(50, 51, 51); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #323333; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This the pledge to me He made.</span></i></div>
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<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
Why can’t I remember this pledge, this promise, this gift <b><i>before</i></b> smashing my way through a broken day?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
Jesus still speaks to me even in the midst of brokenness.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> He whispers reminders to me to let the kids know this is not their fault.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> He gently nudges me toward solutions but doesn’t beat on me when I fail.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
He grants me enough strength to care for the “musts” and eases my guilt for the rest.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> He blesses me with sweet sleep when the tears finally stop flowing for the night.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> He prevents me from making serious blunders while in this condition.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
He enables me to get enough done that the day isn't a total loss.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> He fans a tiny flame of hope in my heart that tomorrow WILL be a better day.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> He shows me sweet mercy and helps carry my burden.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
He brings wonderful sentiments of His love to me through sweet friends or family.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Like this one passed along by a cousin: </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Hey Soul? Let's take off all the pressure to get it perfect today. </i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>You don't have to get it all together -- </i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>because God's already got you. </i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. </i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Y<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">ou’re mine. When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. </span></i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; text-align: center;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. </i></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; text-align: center;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end—</i></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; text-align: center;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Because I am God, your personal God...your Savior." </i></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; text-align: center;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Isa 43:1-4 MSG</i></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Today's work isn’t about trying to redeem yourself of last week’s mistakes --</i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>because His love's already *perfectly* redeemed you *forever.*</i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Grace flies in the face of logic and wraps us in arms of unexpected love.</i></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>~ Ann Voskamp</i></span></div>
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Then He blesses me with a gorgeous sunset and reminds me in doing so that He can still do amazing things with clouds….in fact, the more clouds, the more amazing the sunset can be!</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I wonder what He can do with my “clouds”?</div>
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Hugs and understanding from my children is another amazing gift straight from Heaven! </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>They are good to me even when they don’t understand me.</div>
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Somehow maybe the brokenness of these days can be redeemed. </div>
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I don’t exactly see it yet. </div>
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Maybe I never will. </div>
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Maybe it’s not mine to know.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; font-family: Helvetica;">
This Day…</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; font-family: Helvetica;">
I’ve been granted Grace.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(20, 25, 35); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #141923; font-family: Helvetica;">
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>And Strength.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>And Forgiveness.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>And Mercy.</div>
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In my brokenness, I’ve been given Jesus…..I cannot ask for more.</div>
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SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-89075970539683280842015-07-16T23:55:00.000-07:002015-07-17T00:32:50.692-07:00Anniversaries<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica;">
18 months.</div>
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Or 21 years.</div>
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This date has significance both ways. </div>
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Both were beginnings. Both were also an end.</div>
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Both were an end to life as I knew it. </div>
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Both were the beginning of a new “normal.”</div>
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Both were intrinsically saturated with volatile emotions.</div>
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One was my wedding day. </div>
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One was the day my marriage ended.</div>
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One was the day my dreams were fulfilled.</div>
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One was the day my dreams were crushed.</div>
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One was full of anticipation, the other of dread.</div>
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One was characterized by smiles, the other with tears.</div>
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Both were filled with the support of family and friends.</div>
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Both were bold reminders of the impact each choice has on our future.</div>
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I remember them both with this insane mixture of bitter and sweet.</div>
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<i><b>Bitter</b></i> - because the marriage that began so beautifully smacked into “death do us part” entirely too soon…because I LOVED being defined by the role of wife, and that no longer exists for me…because I do not enjoy facing life and its challenges alone.</div>
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<b><i>Sweet</i></b> - because of the wonderful memory-making moments we were blessed to experience as a result of that day twenty-one years ago…because of the four precious little people that union brought into existence…because of the precious way God answered prayers even as Michael lay on his death bed. </div>
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<i><b>Bitter</b></i> - because I see so much joy in Happy Anniversary posts on Facebook and I know that isn’t part of my NOW….because I struggle to find a replacement for the feeling of being valued so deeply by another human being that he was willing to spend the rest of his life with me.</div>
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<b><i>Sweet</i></b> - because I was privileged to experience deep, soul-connecting, true love….because I know Jesus loves me with a love far beyond that of any man’s…and He is caring for me even now.</div>
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As this day in 2015 comes to a close, the kids are all headed into sweet slumber, and all the emotion of these memories comes crashing in over my head. </div>
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The day really was a good one. The kids and I did some chores, then we spent some wonderful time together as a family. But when that time came to an end, I could feel the crazy stuff pressing in on me…smothering my ability to think straight, tearing at my heart with sharp pangs of sorrow.</div>
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I don’t WANT to feel or remember the pain. </div>
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But it lives just beneath the surface of every day, not just special anniversary days like this one. </div>
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Sometimes the trigger for its release is a phrase someone uses in casual conversation.<br />
Sometimes it's a picture. </div>
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Sometimes it’s a song playing over a store intercom,<br />
sometimes a specific location or activity.</div>
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Sometimes it’s a task he used to perform.<br />
Sometimes it's his favorite cologne.</div>
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Sometimes…it’s nothing at all. </div>
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What was life like before this pain? Before cancer? I scarcely remember. </div>
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The children were looking through some old photo albums today.<br />
That’s one way to remember. </div>
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One way to recreate some of what once was. </div>
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But that doesn’t solve the pain problem. Because what was, is no more. </div>
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So thankfully, the children don’t need to stay in the past, nor cling to it. They acknowledge its significance in their lives and value it. But they are also ready to live…to move forward with what IS, their NOW.</div>
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In this, they are brilliant. They are resilient. They are all their father ever wanted them to be. </div>
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They have not let this mountain become their Apollo 13. </div>
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They have instead allowed it to become their Space Shuttle Discovery…</div>
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…..launching them into discovery of themselves, their weaknesses, and their strengths.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>…..launching them into discovery of God’s promises to them personally.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>….launching them into discovery of the faithfulness and character of God.</div>
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Their high school transcripts may not be filled with grandiose extracurricular courses and activities, but they have lived a lot of LIFE these past few years. How much more prepared to face their future could they be than to have experienced such things?</div>
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Me? Well, my schedule isn’t full of community service, church outreach events, missions trips, or entertainment opportunities. It’s not glamorous in the least. I have no speaking engagements nor is any book being published. I have little to offer society as a whole. Many days are filled with the boring tasks that keep our little portion of the world turning somewhat smoothly.</div>
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But do you know what? Many of these very days are good days….very good days. </div>
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Days where we work together, play together, cry or laugh together.</div>
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Days where hugs are given freely as well as insults traded teasingly.</div>
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Days where tempers get short, but forgiveness is readily granted.</div>
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Days where we learn our limitations and grant grace to each other.</div>
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Days where we reach out in compassion to others facing deep hurt and loss.</div>
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Days where we find our way through challenges while experiencing God's grace.</div>
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Days where we remember what we have faced and Who brought us through.</div>
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And when I truly stop to remember, I no longer feel alone. </div>
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<u><span style="font-size: large;">Alone, Yet Not Alone</span></u></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Bruce Broughton</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Performed by Joni Eareckson Tada</span></div>
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To listen, click <a href="https://youtu.be/BWVyVMbSzM4" target="_blank">here.</a></div>
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<i>I'm alone, yet not alone.</i></div>
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<i>God's the light that will guide me home.</i></div>
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<i>With His love and tenderness,</i></div>
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<i>Leading through the wilderness,</i></div>
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<i>And wherever I may roam,</i></div>
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<i>I'm alone, yet not alone.</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
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<i>I will not be bent in fear.</i></div>
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<i>He's the refuge I know is near.</i></div>
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<i>In His strength I find my own.</i></div>
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<i>By His faithful mercies shown.</i></div>
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<i>That so mighty is His shield</i></div>
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<i>All His love is now revealed.</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
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<i>When my steps are lost.</i></div>
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<i>And desperate for a guide,</i></div>
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<i>I can feel his touch,</i></div>
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<i>A soothing presence by my side.</i></div>
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<i></i><br /></div>
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<i>Alone, yet not alone.</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Not forsaken when on my own.</i></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I can lean upon His arm,</i></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And be lifted up from harm.</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>If I stumble, or if I'm thrown,</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I'm alone, yet not alone.</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i></i><br /></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>When my steps are lost.</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And desperate for a guide,</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I can feel his touch,</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>A soothing presence by my side.</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i></i><br /></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>By my side!</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i></i><br /></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>He has bound me with His love,</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Watchful angels look from above.</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Every evil can be braved,</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>For I know I will be saved.</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Never frightened on my own,</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I'm alone, yet not alone.</i></div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 17px; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i></i><br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(71, 71, 71); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I'm alone, yet not alone.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br />_____________________________________________</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-ftpQABlRFyZjrePKCfv2EX89o6PO6x4wU_AeKHtZorkRAFlcS5pqxGMx5Y3b7u4s9jz5-QwKsZMdfYzbfO1H1VtMpt4Dg1ddQ00Xpymej2E8WH9aiD3lbjQtExOpNccZFp2DbcyvlWw/s1600/IMG_2606-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-ftpQABlRFyZjrePKCfv2EX89o6PO6x4wU_AeKHtZorkRAFlcS5pqxGMx5Y3b7u4s9jz5-QwKsZMdfYzbfO1H1VtMpt4Dg1ddQ00Xpymej2E8WH9aiD3lbjQtExOpNccZFp2DbcyvlWw/s320/IMG_2606-1.jpg" width="213" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large; text-align: center;">"And the LORD, he [it is] </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 9px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">that doth go before thee;</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 9px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">he will be with thee, he will not fail thee,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 9px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">neither forsake thee:</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 9px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">fear not, neither be dismayed."</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 9px; text-align: center;">
Deuteronomy 31:8</div>
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SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6208366770792680106.post-17104700570826899392015-06-21T22:38:00.001-07:002015-06-21T23:04:24.108-07:00...who needs these words today?<ol style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<li class="first" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; list-style-type: none; margin-top: 0px;"><h3 style="text-align: center;">
</h3>
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><u>All Your Anxiety</u></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Edward H. Joy, Public Domain</span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
Is there a heart o’erbound by sorrow?</div>
<div style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
Is there a life weighed down by care?</div>
<div style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
Come to the cross, each burden bearing;</div>
<div style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
All your anxiety—leave it there.</div>
</li>
<li style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; list-style-type: none; margin-top: 1em;"><div style="text-align: center;">
No other friend so swift to help you,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
No other friend so quick to hear,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
No other place to leave your burden,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
No other one to hear your prayer.</div>
</li>
<li style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 1em;"><div style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
Come then at once; delay no longer!</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
Heed His entreaty kind and sweet,</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
You need not fear a disappointment;</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
You shall find peace at the mercy seat.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
<div>
<span style="font-style: italic;">Refrain:</span></div>
<div>
All your anxiety, all your care,</div>
<div>
Bring to the mercy seat, leave it there,</div>
<div>
Never a burden He cannot bear,</div>
<div>
Never a friend like Jesus!</div>
</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><u><i>What a Friend We Have in Jesus</i></u></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Joseph M. Scriven, Public Domain</span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: center;">
<ol style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">
<li class="first" style="font-size: 16px; list-style-type: none; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
What a friend we have in Jesus,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
All our sins and griefs to bear!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
What a privilege to carry</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Everything to God in prayer!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Oh, what needless pain we bear,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
All because we do not carry</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Everything to God in prayer!</div>
</li>
<li style="font-size: 16px; list-style-type: none; margin-top: 1em;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Have we trials and temptations?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Is there trouble anywhere?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We should never be discouraged—</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Take it to the Lord in prayer.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Can we find a friend so faithful,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Who will all our sorrows share?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Jesus knows our every weakness;</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Take it to the Lord in prayer.</div>
</li>
<li style="font-size: 16px; list-style-type: none; margin-top: 1em;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Are we weak and heavy-laden,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Cumbered with a load of care?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Precious Savior, still our refuge—</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Take it to the Lord in prayer.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Take it to the Lord in prayer!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Thou wilt find a solace there.</div>
</li>
<li style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 1em;"><div style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised</div>
<div style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
Thou wilt all our burdens bear;</div>
<div style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
May we ever, Lord, be bringing</div>
<div style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
All to Thee in earnest prayer.</div>
<div style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
Soon in glory bright, unclouded,</div>
<div style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
There will be no need for prayer—</div>
<div style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
Rapture, praise, and endless worship</div>
<div style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
Will be our sweet portion there.</div>
<div style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><u>He Giveth More Grace</u></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Annie J. Flint, Public Domain</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<ol style="font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">
<li class="first" style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.</div>
</li>
<li style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 1em;"><div style="text-align: center;">
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.</div>
</li>
<li style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 1em;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">Fear not t</span>hat thy need shall exceed His provision,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.</div>
</li>
<li style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 1em;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Refrain:</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
His power no boundary known unto men;</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
When life seems bigger than anything I had imagined, GOD IS HERE.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
When tasks are immensely daunting yet my energy has vanished, GOD IS HERE.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
When panic grips my heart and I can barely survive that moment, GOD IS HERE.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
When pain surrounds me and steals my very breath, GOD IS HERE.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
When my heart is broken for others in deep distress, GOD IS HERE.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
When failure taunts my bruised spirit and I cower in insecurity, GOD IS HERE.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
When dark memories rush back over me and drown out the good, GOD IS HERE.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
When the future looms large and my heart quakes, GOD IS HERE.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
When light glimmers faintly in the distance, GOD IS HERE.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
When I reach for Him and can barely feel His hand, GOD IS HERE.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
When I let His promises soothe my restless mind, GOD IS HERE.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And as the song slips quietly back into my soul, I remember...GOD IS HERE.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
Desiring God in my every day, </h3>
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SJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03929024793345499761noreply@blogger.com0