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“For
unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be
upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The
mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.”
Isaiah 9:6
Christmas. The
word itself evokes brightly colored memories of times gone by…most of them
centered around family, most of them precious. Along with these memories come
many emotions…some good, some difficult. Our family’s Christmases have been a
bit different these past few years. And we now have much compassion for those
whose holidays are not so bright.
Christmas 2009 for the Michael Wright family is one I barely
remember. But I’m sure it went as so many others had. Michael absolutely adored
Christmas, as did our four children. I also enjoyed many aspects of the season,
but the extra tasks involved with planning the church Christmas program, trying
so hard to find the perfect gift for each of the family members, and getting
the decorations up often felt a tad overwhelming. As always, though, the
overall sense of the season was awe…that the Mighty God of the universe wrapped
His Son in the form of a human baby as a gift to THIS world! His gift meant
salvation for us…for me!
Christmas 2010 for our family was extremely different from
the year before. You see, that year was the year of the borrowed home, boxes
everywhere, few decorations, and tentative hope. In March of that year our
lives changed drastically. That was when Michael lost his entire right leg to
the cancer that had stolen unnoticed into his body. Then there was torturous
high-dose chemotherapy through the summer that sucked away his remaining physical
resources. Without the presence of any more visible cancer, we chose to stop
that chemo, and by Christmas, Michael was feeling fairly decent. He had
adjusted well to life with one leg. He was even working on learning to use a
prosthesis. And we had hope…hope that the cancer wouldn’t come back in Michael’s case…hope that maybe what seemed to
be a tragic situation would just prove to be a hill rather than a mountain to
climb. Meanwhile, Michael, being true to form, had decided he was not going to
waste his cancer. His acceptance of the new life path and his reliance on God’s
goodness put him in a unique position to minister to so many who watched him,
prayed, and read his updates. And that Christmas, we experienced God carrying
us and caring for us through a myriad of people in just as many ways! God
demonstrated just how a Father cares for His child…He was “Everlasting Father”
to us that year and in those to follow.
Christmas 2011 found us enjoying decorating our lovely new
home! I often think of it as the “house that God built” as there were so many
ways in which God manifested Himself throughout the process! We had moved into
it in January, we had a wonderful house dedication celebration in March (on the
one-year anniversary of the day that changed our life plan), and then in April,
we discovered that cancer had returned…in
Michael’s lungs. It was difficult news to hear. But, as had become
characteristic of Michael, he accepted the news, processed it, chose a course
of action, and then lived life to the fullest every chance he was afforded! We
began high-dose vitamin C treatments alongside heavy chemotherapy that summer.
In working with a different medical group, Michael met more people and touched
more lives with his amazing attitude toward this trial. Some found it difficult
to believe that he wasn’t on antidepressants! He used every chance he had to
brag on God and His steady help and strength. So that Christmas was one of new
experiences again…and a growing awareness that this journey was NOT yet over
but in some ways was just beginning. Even on the darkest of days that year,
though, Michael knew…we ALL knew that we served a “Wonderful” God Who never
once failed us nor abandoned us!
Christmas 2012 was as “normal” as we could make it in the
middle of treatments under a specialist in St. Louis. These treatments included
different courses of chemotherapy with differing results, and in October of
that year, the doctors extended Michael’s time on earth significantly with a
terrifying yet effective freezing procedure. This procedure removed some of the
most dangerous tumors in Michael’s right lung, but also resulted in a painful
collapse of that lung. After the difficult recovery he experienced, we went
back to working with chemo options. Through all of this, Michael continued
working pretty close to full time. Obviously during hospital stays he did not
go in, but in and around chemo days he stayed faithful to his job. And in turn,
his employers were amazing to us sending us on a vacation, helping us move
twice, being generous with sick days, bringing us meals, etc. God truly used
that company to be a blessing to us!!
Another blessing was Angel Flights Central. The wonderful pilots in this
organization made many of Michael’s fifty trips to Saint Louis much easier and
quicker allowing him more family time. But as Christmas of 2012 arrived, we
knew we were fighting with a beast that could not be conquered through sheer
will no matter how many folks were “will-ing” it. Michael had long since
accepted the fact that the cancer would take his life. But he didn’t do so with
a sense of despair. He instead used it as a springboard for a unique ministry,
constantly encouraging and inspiring others through his update emails. He had a
deep peace about his situation granted to him by the “Prince of Peace” Himself.
Throughout the Christmas season of 2013, we truly found
Jesus to be our All in All. We buried ourselves in Him. We clung to Him. And He
was faithful! From experimental chemo drugs to continuing high-dose vitamin C
treatments, from brain surgery to cyberknife radiation, from a spine tumor
causing extreme nerve pain to several ER trips and hospital stays, God was with
us. Time and space fail me in recounting the ways in which He distinctly showed
up! Michael remained submitted to the Lord’s plan and guidance and continued to
touch lives. From CT scan technicians to doctors, from family members to
neighbors, from store clerks to librarians, from co-workers to clients, anyone who knew our story knew God was
at work and carrying us! What a legacy Michael left for our children who
witnessed all of this firsthand! The devil fought HARD for our family. He hit
Michael with the cancer, blasted me with depression and panic attacks,
endeavored to undermine our marriage, and even bullied our oldest daughter…but
he didn’t win! God remained “Mighty God” and pulled us through the fiery darts
to safety! The year of 2013 brought us much heartache and difficulty, the worst
being the knowledge that this Christmas would be Michael’s last on earth. In
fact, as the day approached, many of us were unsure he would even make it that
long. But God was with us when a hospice hospital bed became part of our living
room décor on December 9. God was with us as many precious people took time to come and tell Michael how much
they loved him and what a difference he made in their lives. God was with us as
family and friends surrounded Michael’s bed and sang the Christmas carols he so
loved. God was with us as prayers were prayed over Michael and for him. God was
with us as we adjusted our family celebrations to Michael’s needs. The “Prince
of Peace” continued bringing peace to our hearts as we slowly began to say our
goodbyes.
Those final goodbyes were said on January 16, 2014. As
Michael’s family surrounded him in the hospice house, and as his favorite hymn
was sung, he finally broke the last of the bonds that held him fast and he took
his last Angel Flight. The right lung that no longer functioned because it had
been overtaken by tumors was no longer needed.
The bones that had been eaten away by cancer no longer caused pain.
Michael walked with two legs on golden
streets breathing freely of celestial air! His faithfulness to trust God and to
hold steady and strong was rewarded with a joyous “Well done, thou good and
faithful servant…enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.”
Christmas 2014. Remember how I said the rush of Christmas
responsibilities often overwhelmed me a tad? Well, that was nothing compared to
the Christmas of 2014. Even though I knew all about the faithfulness of God,
and even though I trusted in His provision completely, grief took over and haunted
my days making the entire season from Thanksgiving until the one-year mark
(January of 2015) dark, difficult, and full of depression. I prayed often that
God would have mercy on my soul and just help me survive one more day. I was
determined to do my best to continue living the best I could for my children’s
sakes until I could somehow feel alive again. So I did the Christmas
routine…the shopping (online as much as possible), the church program
(completely a God-subsidized endeavor), the decorating (it felt so inane…so
purposeless), the gift-giving (who needs stuff when your husband is missing?).
I just ached for the light in my soul to come on again. But in and through all
of this, I had a deep abiding sense that even then, Jesus was with me. He became
my closest “Counsellor” – He helped me make decisions when I couldn’t push past
the brain fog. He was “Everlasting Father” to the children – He provided for
them in so many ways, including special gifts from many people. Jesus was my
“Prince of Peace” – even when I was drowning in pain and grief, I knew He was with me and would sustain
me. He was “Wonderful” in every way He ever promised He would be! And He
brought brief moments of joy back into our Christmas of 2014.
So, what does Christmas of 2015 hold for our family? Well,
we greatly anticipate the homecoming of my oldest daughter! She’s been
attending Hobe Sound Bible College since August, and we are anxious to hug her
neck! God has been with her and granted
her help and strength and brought her through some challenges to conquer this
first semester away from home. I have a feeling the strength and courage her
daddy exhibited has contributed largely to her success as well. The rest of us
are planning Christmas as “usual,” whatever that
means! The season remains a bit difficult in that there is a distinct hole
where Michael is supposed to be. Our hearts ache to hear his laugh as he shared
his enjoyment of the holiday. So many of our plans used to revolve around him.
Many activities trigger memory rushes that at times cause yet another flow of
tears. But the light is back on…it’s not shining its brightest yet, but it’s
back on. And I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that during this Christmas,
just like all the others, we will remain aware of God’s Presence. We will
experience this celebration of His birth with hearts full of gratefulness for all He has done and is doing in our lives!
May you also find Him near and real and present throughout the season! Merry
Christmas!
Thank you for faithfully reading my blog and for praying for our family over the past few years. Only in Heaven will you fully understand the value of each of those prayers. Thank you for caring and for continuing to let us know! I pray you had a wonderful Christmas and that your 2016 is packed full to overflowing with amazing memory-making moments! May God go with you and grant you Peace!
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Thank you for faithfully reading my blog and for praying for our family over the past few years. Only in Heaven will you fully understand the value of each of those prayers. Thank you for caring and for continuing to let us know! I pray you had a wonderful Christmas and that your 2016 is packed full to overflowing with amazing memory-making moments! May God go with you and grant you Peace!