Nature

Nature

Sunday, December 27, 2015

An article I wrote

I am posting here a copy of an article I wrote recently for a church publication. I wasn't sure how to share the publication itself, but I wanted the followers of our family's story to have a chance to read this synopsis of the whole ordeal. So, without further explanation, and in order to avoid the temptation to apologize too much, here is the article as printed in the December issue of "Pilgrim News and Notes."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.”
Isaiah 9:6

Christmas. The word itself evokes brightly colored memories of times gone by…most of them centered around family, most of them precious. Along with these memories come many emotions…some good, some difficult. Our family’s Christmases have been a bit different these past few years. And we now have much compassion for those whose holidays are not so bright.

Christmas 2009 for the Michael Wright family is one I barely remember. But I’m sure it went as so many others had. Michael absolutely adored Christmas, as did our four children. I also enjoyed many aspects of the season, but the extra tasks involved with planning the church Christmas program, trying so hard to find the perfect gift for each of the family members, and getting the decorations up often felt a tad overwhelming. As always, though, the overall sense of the season was awe…that the Mighty God of the universe wrapped His Son in the form of a human baby as a gift to THIS world! His gift meant salvation for us…for me!

Christmas 2010 for our family was extremely different from the year before. You see, that year was the year of the borrowed home, boxes everywhere, few decorations, and tentative hope. In March of that year our lives changed drastically. That was when Michael lost his entire right leg to the cancer that had stolen unnoticed into his body. Then there was torturous high-dose chemotherapy through the summer that sucked away his remaining physical resources. Without the presence of any more visible cancer, we chose to stop that chemo, and by Christmas, Michael was feeling fairly decent. He had adjusted well to life with one leg. He was even working on learning to use a prosthesis. And we had hope…hope that the cancer wouldn’t come back in Michael’s case…hope that maybe what seemed to be a tragic situation would just prove to be a hill rather than a mountain to climb. Meanwhile, Michael, being true to form, had decided he was not going to waste his cancer. His acceptance of the new life path and his reliance on God’s goodness put him in a unique position to minister to so many who watched him, prayed, and read his updates. And that Christmas, we experienced God carrying us and caring for us through a myriad of people in just as many ways! God demonstrated just how a Father cares for His child…He was “Everlasting Father” to us that year and in those to follow.

Christmas 2011 found us enjoying decorating our lovely new home! I often think of it as the “house that God built” as there were so many ways in which God manifested Himself throughout the process! We had moved into it in January, we had a wonderful house dedication celebration in March (on the one-year anniversary of the day that changed our life plan), and then in April, we discovered that cancer had returned…in Michael’s lungs. It was difficult news to hear. But, as had become characteristic of Michael, he accepted the news, processed it, chose a course of action, and then lived life to the fullest every chance he was afforded! We began high-dose vitamin C treatments alongside heavy chemotherapy that summer. In working with a different medical group, Michael met more people and touched more lives with his amazing attitude toward this trial. Some found it difficult to believe that he wasn’t on antidepressants! He used every chance he had to brag on God and His steady help and strength. So that Christmas was one of new experiences again…and a growing awareness that this journey was NOT yet over but in some ways was just beginning. Even on the darkest of days that year, though, Michael knew…we ALL knew that we served a “Wonderful” God Who never once failed us nor abandoned us!

Christmas 2012 was as “normal” as we could make it in the middle of treatments under a specialist in St. Louis. These treatments included different courses of chemotherapy with differing results, and in October of that year, the doctors extended Michael’s time on earth significantly with a terrifying yet effective freezing procedure. This procedure removed some of the most dangerous tumors in Michael’s right lung, but also resulted in a painful collapse of that lung. After the difficult recovery he experienced, we went back to working with chemo options. Through all of this, Michael continued working pretty close to full time. Obviously during hospital stays he did not go in, but in and around chemo days he stayed faithful to his job. And in turn, his employers were amazing to us sending us on a vacation, helping us move twice, being generous with sick days, bringing us meals, etc. God truly used that company to be a blessing to us!!  Another blessing was Angel Flights Central. The wonderful pilots in this organization made many of Michael’s fifty trips to Saint Louis much easier and quicker allowing him more family time. But as Christmas of 2012 arrived, we knew we were fighting with a beast that could not be conquered through sheer will no matter how many folks were “will-ing” it. Michael had long since accepted the fact that the cancer would take his life. But he didn’t do so with a sense of despair. He instead used it as a springboard for a unique ministry, constantly encouraging and inspiring others through his update emails. He had a deep peace about his situation granted to him by the “Prince of Peace” Himself.

Throughout the Christmas season of 2013, we truly found Jesus to be our All in All. We buried ourselves in Him. We clung to Him. And He was faithful! From experimental chemo drugs to continuing high-dose vitamin C treatments, from brain surgery to cyberknife radiation, from a spine tumor causing extreme nerve pain to several ER trips and hospital stays, God was with us. Time and space fail me in recounting the ways in which He distinctly showed up! Michael remained submitted to the Lord’s plan and guidance and continued to touch lives. From CT scan technicians to doctors, from family members to neighbors, from store clerks to librarians, from co-workers to clients, anyone who knew our story knew God was at work and carrying us! What a legacy Michael left for our children who witnessed all of this firsthand! The devil fought HARD for our family. He hit Michael with the cancer, blasted me with depression and panic attacks, endeavored to undermine our marriage, and even bullied our oldest daughter…but he didn’t win! God remained “Mighty God” and pulled us through the fiery darts to safety! The year of 2013 brought us much heartache and difficulty, the worst being the knowledge that this Christmas would be Michael’s last on earth. In fact, as the day approached, many of us were unsure he would even make it that long. But God was with us when a hospice hospital bed became part of our living room d├ęcor on December 9. God was with us as many precious people took time to come and tell Michael how much they loved him and what a difference he made in their lives. God was with us as family and friends surrounded Michael’s bed and sang the Christmas carols he so loved. God was with us as prayers were prayed over Michael and for him. God was with us as we adjusted our family celebrations to Michael’s needs. The “Prince of Peace” continued bringing peace to our hearts as we slowly began to say our goodbyes.

Those final goodbyes were said on January 16, 2014. As Michael’s family surrounded him in the hospice house, and as his favorite hymn was sung, he finally broke the last of the bonds that held him fast and he took his last Angel Flight. The right lung that no longer functioned because it had been overtaken by tumors was no longer needed.  The bones that had been eaten away by cancer no longer caused pain. Michael walked with two legs on golden streets breathing freely of celestial air! His faithfulness to trust God and to hold steady and strong was rewarded with a joyous “Well done, thou good and faithful servant…enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.”

Christmas 2014. Remember how I said the rush of Christmas responsibilities often overwhelmed me a tad? Well, that was nothing compared to the Christmas of 2014. Even though I knew all about the faithfulness of God, and even though I trusted in His provision completely, grief took over and haunted my days making the entire season from Thanksgiving until the one-year mark (January of 2015) dark, difficult, and full of depression. I prayed often that God would have mercy on my soul and just help me survive one more day. I was determined to do my best to continue living the best I could for my children’s sakes until I could somehow feel alive again. So I did the Christmas routine…the shopping (online as much as possible), the church program (completely a God-subsidized endeavor), the decorating (it felt so inane…so purposeless), the gift-giving (who needs stuff when your husband is missing?). I just ached for the light in my soul to come on again. But in and through all of this, I had a deep abiding sense that even then, Jesus was with me. He became my closest “Counsellor” – He helped me make decisions when I couldn’t push past the brain fog. He was “Everlasting Father” to the children – He provided for them in so many ways, including special gifts from many people. Jesus was my “Prince of Peace” – even when I was drowning in pain and grief, I knew He was with me and would sustain me. He was “Wonderful” in every way He ever promised He would be! And He brought brief moments of joy back into our Christmas of 2014.


So, what does Christmas of 2015 hold for our family? Well, we greatly anticipate the homecoming of my oldest daughter! She’s been attending Hobe Sound Bible College since August, and we are anxious to hug her neck!  God has been with her and granted her help and strength and brought her through some challenges to conquer this first semester away from home. I have a feeling the strength and courage her daddy exhibited has contributed largely to her success as well. The rest of us are planning Christmas as “usual,” whatever that means! The season remains a bit difficult in that there is a distinct hole where Michael is supposed to be. Our hearts ache to hear his laugh as he shared his enjoyment of the holiday. So many of our plans used to revolve around him. Many activities trigger memory rushes that at times cause yet another flow of tears. But the light is back on…it’s not shining its brightest yet, but it’s back on. And I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that during this Christmas, just like all the others, we will remain aware of God’s Presence. We will experience this celebration of His birth with hearts full of gratefulness for all He has done and is doing in our lives! May you also find Him near and real and present throughout the season! Merry Christmas!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for faithfully reading my blog and for praying for our family over the past few years. Only in Heaven will you fully understand the value of each of those prayers. Thank you for caring and for continuing to let us know! I pray you had a wonderful Christmas and that your 2016 is packed full to overflowing with amazing memory-making moments!  May God go with you and grant you Peace!




Celebrating Jesus and the greatest gift ever given,




Thursday, November 19, 2015

...who colors?

I write often about the pits and gullies that litter this pathway I’ve been called to travel.
What I have not yet included is a post about the methods I often use to get out of them.

Yes, pits happen.
But I can’t stay.

They are muddy and dark and messy and damp with tears.
They are full of fear and confusion.
They pull me away from my God-given role in my family.
They pull me away from ministry of any sort.
They try to pull me away from God.

I can’t stay.

So I must move forward.
Forward, through, and eventually out.

So, while I’m still learning, and I’m not educated in such things,
here are some things that I find helpful in getting out of those “pits”
of despondency and despair…


I mow the lawn.

Wait. Mow my lawn?
Doesn’t make a lot of sense on the surface, does it?
Well, besides the obvious fact that the task comes around about once a week, there are some other reasons why I choose this activity on the BLAH days.

It forces me to move.
When in a slump, I don’t WANNA!!!
But I have found, just like the experts say (yeah, yeah, don’t pat yourself on the back too hard…you might break your arm), that getting some exercise can be helpful when fighting depression. And since the efficacy of the solution does not seem to hinge upon the cause of the problem, I’ve found it to work quite nicely for grief-induced depression.

I love doing things that result in bringing order from chaos, tidy from messy.
It brings back a teensy bit of control to my topsy-turvy world. 
Besides, mowing provides a great time to pray.
And being outside just...well, it fixes things somehow.
As I spend time there, I find I can believe again that God is so much bigger
          than my tiny problems.

But sometimes the lawn doesn’t need mowing. So…

I color.

Or do my grown-up dot-to-dot pages.
Nope. I’m not forty-something going on four.
Again, it’s an act of bringing beauty and order back into my world.
Plus, being creative in some way totally ranks as top of the chart in therapeutic value.

The point is finding SOMETHING creative to do.
One week, it was a photo shoot for a friend.
Another week it might be trying to improve my painting skills.
The next it might be a floral arrangement to be given as a gift.



I prefer things that don’t require lots of stressful decision making
       or slurp up all the energy I have left.

Creating something beautiful oozes peace to my heart and soul.

But there are times when my well of creativity is bone dry. So…

I play the piano.

The songs I play demand my interaction with the words and music. I can sometimes dismiss when just listening…thus sometimes actually playing them on the piano helps me focus on this source of encouragement and uplift. The tried and true songs of our faith bring comfort, healing, direction, and peace to a bruised and weary soul.

Once again, I refer to that whole “chart of therapeutic value” (I’m SURE there’s one out there somewhere…) – you’ll find music at the top, too!

And  youre good at it

(I left my computer for a few moments while working on this post, and I returned to find the above statement had been added by some sneaky little person in my house. I thought it was sweet, so I left it! As is!)

Sometimes listening to music as performed by others does the trick. There are some go-to songs to which I have returned again and again for comfort and encouragement. Many of those songs are played on the internet radio station which my husband began ten years ago. There is a sense of peace that accompanies this music as it winds its way through my household…

Here is one such song for your encouragement today!

All the way my Savior leads me,
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well.

All the way my Savior leads me,
Cheers each winding path I tread,
Gives me grace for every trial,
Feeds me with the living Bread.
Though my weary steps may falter
And my soul athirst may be,
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see;
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see.

All the way my Savior leads me,
Oh, the fullness of His love!
Perfect rest to me is promised
In my Father’s house above.
When my spirit, clothed immortal,
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages:
Jesus led me all the way;
This my song through endless ages:
Jesus led me all the way.
~~ Fanny Crosby


But there are times I need more than just the music. So…

I look for the light.

Literally. And now that it’s pitch dark even before our supper is on the table, that light is harder and harder to find.

Today happened to be one of “those days” – again. So this afternoon as I answered kid homework questions, I sat right by my full-glass storm door on the floor…in the light and warmth of the sun.

Sunsets work here, too. Yes, even though sunsets are a time of waning rather than waxing, the beauty of a sunset is in its light and color.  Plus, they bring God and His wondrous power back into sharp focus.

Crazy as it may seem in light of the current discussion on light, stars are pretty amazing perspective adjusters, too.

It happens to be a well-known fact (well, at least in some circles) that light is a mood lifter and a help in defeating the monster of depression. So as much as I like the cozy feeling that rainy days bring with them, I dread the gloom I fight when the sun hides behind the gray…

Sometimes the only light to be found is artificial. So…

I text or message a friend.

And not for the reason you are thinking right now.
No, really, it’s not.
Okay, well, maybe KINDA for that reason.

You see, though I pretty much hate the phone on “those days” and would frankly much rather become a hermit (or “hermitess” – is that even a word??), I find that I usually need to reach out and touch (and yes, the pun was intended! ;-) ) at least one person in order to conquer the dark.

But I am usually not brave enough to use the phone. So I find that texting and messaging works well because I can be sobbing my way through a text and no one is the wiser. It allows me to communicate when and how I’m ready to do so.

But back to the reason for the texts/messages in the first place. I have found that one surefire way to find my way back to the top is to help someone else. There are sooooo many people going through tough times that it’s usually pretty simple to find someone needing encouragement.

This step sometimes morphs into the form of a chat with a hurting neighbor or a card in the mail. It could also look a little bit like a text or Facebook message to ask a friend how she is coping with her day’s stresses or fighting the demon of depression.

Sometimes it’s well-nigh unto impossible for me to put forth that first effort.
But once I do, I find my focus turning outward once again and the inner pressure beginning to release just a bit.

So, yeah, I guess it’s a little bit because it helps me.

But it’s NOT just for the purpose of unloading although I do have some wonderfully patient friends who are always brave enough to listen when I need them. That happens sometimes, too. And those times are okay. I just don’t want to get stuck too long with the focus on myself.

(Note: If you’ve ever gotten a message of encouragement or promise of prayer from me please, please, PLEASE know that I ALWAYS mean every word I say and it comes from a heart of honestly caring about you! My heart is often overwhelmed with the pain of so many good folks I know… My notes are sent with that pain in mind. In fact, sometimes it’s the most difficult thing I do that day because the devil works overtime to keep me stuck in my own teensy world of pain.)

But sometimes it’s late and few are still awake.  So…

I take the blame.

Yeah, I know. If you were sitting here beside me, you’d probably say “No way! You didn’t ask for this!”

And you’d be exactly right. But that’s not what I mean.

I mean I understand that this darkness isn’t my children's fault.

It’s easy slip into lashing out at my sweet kiddos and for a moment pretend that their immaturity or thoughtlessness is the reason I’m upset or frustrated. But I know that’s not true.
And I frequently let my kids know their actions are not causing mom’s "issues."

Nor is it caused by my circumstances.
More time and energy isn't the solution.
A new outfit won't fix anything. 
Neither would getting Michael back. 

I know this is beyond all of that. 
I am caught in the crosshairs of a spiritual battle for the control of my mind and emotions.

Satan spins them toward darkness. Jesus urges me toward trust and rest.
Satan tempts with excuses for self-focus. Jesus asks for sacrifice of time and energy.
Satan offers a slippery slope of apathy. Jesus presents me with an uphill climb.
Satan rewards with more darkness and bondage.
              Jesus rewards with peace and renewed mercies.

We all know where Satan will find his forever home.
And we know where Jesus currently resides, not to mention my sweet Michael.

The decision is mine. 
The way seems clear, though not easy.
The battle is well worth fighting.

But sometimes I just have no fight left. So…

I accept my limitations.

I cannot – I repeat CANNOT do this on my own. As much as I might long to “have it all together” and be perceived as the “perfect Christian,” I know exactly how weak and feeble I am. 

And I know how seriously dependent I am upon the care and prayers of others, but most of all, on the
  amazing
     all-sufficient
          always-available
           ample supply of God’s grace!

It’s what gets my feet on the floor in the morning!
It’s what helps me find that last tiny shred of patience to offer a trying situation!
It’s what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other!
It’s what allows me to laugh heartily on a regular basis!
It’s what pulls me out of the pit of despair when all else fails!
It’s what lights my way and puts a song back into my heart!
It’s what puts color in my world and brings order from chaos!

And best of all, it’s not just there for me. It’s for you, too. It’s free for the asking and oh, so effective!

When I truly grasp this, accept that some days will just stink, rest in Jesus, and remember that the sun WILL shine again tomorrow, I find I can make it…even through the toughest and darkest of times.

For during those times,
God. Is. There.
With me.
Beside me.
In and through the pain.

And so are many of you. Thank you.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.
You’ll not know this side of heaven how much of a difference you have made in my life.
Honestly.


Connecting the dots on paper and in life,


"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
~~ Isaiah 41:10


Thursday, September 17, 2015

..who has broken days?

Sooooo….it’s happened again. 
Another “help!-I’m-falling-apart-and-I-can’t-stop-it” kind of day.
Wait. Make that two days.

What caused it this time? 
Who knows? 

It could have been the fact that yesterday was the 16th of the month. 
(For a refresher on why the 16th might be a trigger, you can read this post.)

It could have been the fact that I’ve been sorting through old files on the computer, and
        some brought back old and painful memories. 

It could have been the fact that I’ve been trying to figure out some special projects using       Michael’s old shirts and jeans. 
I still hate the thought of cutting into them. 
I am not sure I want anyone else doing it either.
Making these items might be something I need to do…a part of the journey
               somehow…

It could have been because I did something recently and felt good about it…
and I really, really wanted to share my accomplishment with Michael. 
Sharing with anyone else just isn’t the same. 

It could have been because I’m feeling like the lone male in my house is finding it difficult
         to remember that mom is still the “Boss” even though she’s a member of the “weaker
              sex.”
I guess I’m not scary when I’m crying while folding laundry………..

It could have been because the TASKS for which I’m responsible have piled up. 
And THEY are screaming at me VERY LOUDLY. 
And I’m at a point where I would much rather check out. 
And when I do, THEY get that much scarier. 

And there is no one here to tell me when it’s okay to quit and take a break, or to
encourage and push me to keep going when I need to.
  
It could have been that being around extremely talented people (as I was recently) causes me to question…
Exactly who am I? 
What am I doing to contribute to the greater good of society?
How is cleaning my kitchen floor even CLOSE to being “important” to the world at
               large?
Do I have even one bloomin’ skill of value to offer anyone? To God? 
If I do, what is it? 
Should I do it?
Would I lose my tentative hold on sanity if I did?
Who AM I kidding? 


Yeah. So THOSE thoughts and emotions turn into days where my brain goes like this:

“Ugh. 
I can’t move…the weight on my heart is intense.
I have to do this day?
I have to breathe? And feel? And interact? 

“Where is my phone? 
Why does it matter? 
The world does just fine on its own. 
It doesn’t need my two cents to keep it turning.

“Seriously? 
I honestly thought this kid KNEW this just yesterday!!”
I can’t seem to find a single ounce of creativity for helping her today….
Any “good teacher” in me left before sunrise…

I can’t stand the thought of talking to anyone outside this house. 
But I’m so lonely I could burst. 
I want to share how I feel today with someone.
But it takes entirely too much energy to formulate the words.
Everyone is exhausted with hearing it anyway…

My heart aches.
Tears flow. Often.
And it’s difficult to stop them.

“This kitchen floor is INCREDIBLY sticky!!
That laundry needs folded!
I don’t care. 

“There is NO WAY I can let this go! 
I can’t STAND it this way a moment longer!
NO ONE can see this….absolutely no one….
I HAVE to get this place cleaned up!
“But I can’t.” 
Other tasks take precedence. 
I become dazed as I think of all I SHOULD be doing in this moment…

And I check out.
It’s a coping mechanism, I know.
I have plans to return to my reality…soon.
For now, I must breathe. 

Tears come again.
Unintentionally sharp words fly out of my mouth toward a child.
The stress has overcome me. 
I now carry the guilt of Mom-failure like blocks of concrete on my chest.
“Can’t Michael PLEASE come back and do this WITH me??

“I need Jesus today.
There are SO many good people hurting so deeply today.
They need Him much more than I do.
He HAS to be weary with my constant pulling on Him……

“How many more days like this will there be? 
“Where is Michael, anyway? Sitting with the Apostle Paul? With Jesus?
What is he doing? Singing? Walking? Exploring new sights? 

“Why? Why did HE get chosen for such a glorious early dismissal from class?
I must have flunked the quiz that got him the passing grade. 
Because he’s there, and I’m here.

“And I’m pretty sure I’m still flunking Single-Parenting 101.
I’m definitely flunking Geek school. I can’t make this computer do what I need it to do!!!
Health class? Um…..let’s just say there’s been more fast food fed to my family than I’d care to admit.”

And that’s all in about the first, um, couple of hours or so of the day……….

Nope. I CAN’T do this day.

So I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have to.

Because Jesus promised He would be here with me in this day. 

He promised to “do” this day for me if I lean on Him.

I don’t always remember this when I should.
But it’s true, nonetheless.



Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Gives unto each day what He deems best,
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day the Lord Himself is near me,
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me,
He whose name is Counsellor and Pow’r.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”
This the pledge to me He made.



Why can’t I remember this pledge, this promise, this gift before smashing my way through a broken day?

Jesus still speaks to me even in the midst of brokenness.
    He whispers reminders to me to let the kids know this is not their fault.
     He gently nudges me toward solutions but doesn’t beat on me when I fail.

He grants me enough strength to care for the “musts” and eases my guilt for the rest.
    He blesses me with sweet sleep when the tears finally stop flowing for the night.
     He prevents me from making serious blunders while in this condition.

He enables me to get enough done that the day isn't a total loss.
    He fans a tiny flame of hope in my heart that tomorrow WILL be a better day.
     He shows me sweet mercy and helps carry my burden.

He brings wonderful sentiments of His love to me through sweet friends or family.
  Like this one passed along by a cousin: 

Hey Soul? Let's take off all the pressure to get it perfect today. 
You don't have to get it all together -- 
because God's already got you. 
“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. 
You’re mine. When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. 
When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. 
When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God...your Savior." 
Isa 43:1-4 MSG
Today's work isn’t about trying to redeem yourself of last week’s mistakes --
because His love's already *perfectly* redeemed you *forever.*
Grace flies in the face of logic and wraps us in arms of unexpected love.
~ Ann Voskamp

Then He blesses me with a gorgeous sunset and reminds me in doing so that He can still do amazing things with clouds….in fact, the more clouds, the more amazing the sunset can be!

I wonder what He can do with my “clouds”?

Hugs and understanding from my children is another amazing gift straight from Heaven! 
They are good to me even when they don’t understand me.

Somehow maybe the brokenness of these days can be redeemed. 
I don’t exactly see it yet. 
Maybe I never will. 
Maybe it’s not mine to know.

This Day…
I’ve been granted Grace.
And Strength.
And Forgiveness.
And Mercy.


In my brokenness, I’ve been given Jesus…..I cannot ask for more.