Am I the Only One

It’s Christmas time again.

All my children are home.

The tree has been up since Thanksgiving weekend.

I even put lights up outside.

It all looks so cheerful and bright!

The church Christmas program was last weekend.

The presents are purchased and wrapped…well, almost, anyway!

Gifts have been passed out to the neighbors.

And I made peanut butter fudge.

It turned out just as I imagined it would…soft, creamy, smooth, and amazingly delicious.

And when it did, I promptly cried like a baby…again.

It was a first for me—making a batch alone,

using Michael’s equipment and the recipe/method his Aunt Charlotte had perfected.  

I felt as though I was honoring their memory with the task.

I needed the batch to be perfect.

The next one might not be—and that’s okay—but I needed this one,

this first attempt on my own, to be perfect.

Because I miss him.

I miss him. So much.

I miss him when we light a yummy holiday candle.

I miss him when I see all the décor emphasizing the joy of the season.

I miss him when planning family get-togethers.

I miss him when the kids participate in the Christmas programs—

making me so proud to be their mother, impressing me with their growth.

I miss him when I hear his favorite music,

when we attend the events that have become traditions for our family.

I miss him as my eldest daughter excitedly shares wedding plans.

Who will stand in for her father as she walks down the aisle?

How can we do these things with him not seeing, not being a part of it all?

The same way we have made it this far, I suppose.

One step at a time. One moment at a time. One dispensation of grace at a time.

You see, even though tears came with the fudge making, most days are good days.

Even though an occasional day’s darkness brings difficulty making decisions…

       and more tears,
       on most days, the sun shines brightly.

Stitch by stitch, my broken heart is being mended.

Step by step, God is guiding my way.

Moment by moment, I am learning to trust.

Day by day, I am finding Him faithful.

And…year by year, I am regaining my joy.

My living room Christmas tree is simple.

Its branches are loaded with ornaments…and stories.

Each year, each member of the family chooses a new ornament that represents something about themselves, their interests, their life status, or their hope for the new year ahead.

Two of my ornaments from recent years are simply a word…“Peace.”

In each of those years, I was almost surprised to find I could feel true peace in spite of the storm of circumstances around our family.
Yes, I had always heard of such peace, but I suppose I’d not had real reason to find it working so deeply and personally before.

It IS real. The amazing, unexplainable peace that God gives to His children is real.

But when I choose my ornament this weekend, I plan to look for one that illustrates a different gift…the gift of joy!

            “The first gift Jesus brought was joy…
The angel immediately proclaimed ‘good news of great joy’—
and not just for His [Jesus’s] mother and father.
All people everywhere would experience great joy because of His birth.

That tells us a lot about the kind of
Father God is to us. 

Yes, God cares about our righteousness, 

but He also desperately wants to offer us real, lasting joy—

the kind that can’t be jeopardized by changes in our economic status, 

employment, possessions, or relationships.”

~ James Merritt, The 25 Days of Christmas

I can’t earn this kind of joy.

I can’t fabricate this kind of joy.

I can’t explain this kind of joy.

But I know it’s real.

It’s a beautiful gift straight from the hand of God our Father.

Just as Peace is a healing balm to a wounded, weary heart,

so Joy is a light to a dark, depressed soul.

It keeps burning through the mists of grief showing the way to wholeness once again.

It keeps shining through heavy clouds of despair pointing toward a smile and a song.

It is true, it is real, it is a gift we receive so that we may pass it along to all we meet!

It is a testimony to God’s presence and power in our lives!

It is a choice we make to accept it or reject it…

No matter where we are, no matter what we face,

we can experience “Joy” and share it with “the WORLD” because the “Lord is come!”

Psalm 5:11

“But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice:
let them ever shout for joy,
because thou defendest them:
let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.”

Psalm 16:11

“Thou wilt shew me the path of life:
in thy presence is fulness of joy;
at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”

Psalm 30:5

“…weeping may endure for a night,
but joy cometh in the morning.”

Merry Christmas, my friends!

May the JOY of the Reason for the season shine brightly in your hearts today!